Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ So What Do I Actually Do?!

Well, time for my first proper post.

As I've put in my profile and intro post, I was brought up Christian. My mother took me along to church every Sunday, I went to Christian schools, and I even sang in my local Minster's choir for a few years, on and off. For a time, I was quite happy being a Christian - I believed in what it was all about, accepted what I was told and read.

Then I met my now ex-girlfriend. She made me question my beliefs in great depth, justify why I believed what I believed, and put up some good opposing arguments. The primary result is that I'm now quite confused.

I think I've always had a passing interest in Paganism, tho I never really knew what it was called. Shortly after we broke up, I went down to Borders and bought "Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" by Scott Cunningham. It sat on the side for a while before I read it. I liked a lot of the things I read, but not all. Since then, (we're talking a good number of months), I've just been half-heartedly thinking about the whole thing. Signing up on here was, I hoped, a chance for me to try and make some sense out of it all and get some answers. However, I've been reading and reading, and to be honest, I'm getting more and more confused.

I had no idea there were so many paths. I knew Paganism (as a blanket term) contained a wide diversity of beliefs and ideas, but I've read stuff on here that I hadn't even thought about before. It feels very odd; I'm used to a certain rigidity found in Christianity (I was Baptist, then Church of England). And the idea of many different "Gods" who are really just different representations of looking at the one God is quite hard to understand. The ex-girlfriend I mentioned earlier was very much into what she called "Talent". A blanket term for working with energy, seeing auras, focused meditations, even tried a few experiments into telepathy, and we're both certain we knew each other in a previous life.

I decided to write down things I do believe in, in the hope that someone can take me by the shoulders, spin me around and point me in a direction saying "Try this".

Here's the list.

Things I do believe in / find useful / like the idea of / etc.:

o Ritual. Back in church, I found the various set prayers / chants good for focussing my mind.
o Tarot / Runes. Not something I know a great deal about, but I find myself attracted to them.
o Respect for nature.
o Goddess and God representing various aspects of life. Tho this one is hard for me to accept - 20-odd years of Christianity kinda drills home a single deity.
o Magick (ok, that's very very broad, but I don't know enough to be more specific).
o Using energy for healing purposes.
o Meditating, including use of candles and incense.
o Empathy - I can sometimes "sense" what animals are "thinking", if that makes sense...

So... any thoughts? I could really use some direction here. Kinda feels like I've been taken out of a shallow swimming pool and dropped into the sea. Before, I had structure and an fixed belief system, now there's so many different choices and paths, and no fixed hierachy of people or set structure I can fall back on.

Thanks for reading!

-Tae

Being a born again Pagan myself I understand how coming from a Christian bg with a sort of rythym can through you out. I still actually miss going to Church and singing. The part where I felt most connected. However being open to Paganism I fell short thinking 'there is somewhere I have got to be able to go'
I'll help with what I can...

o Ritual. Back in church, I found the various set prayers / chants good for focussing my mind.

Same. I have not actually gone searching for chants I can pronounce. Mantra's however are great (works well with positive affirmation).
For the meantime perhaps simply find some music that helps sooth you. I find some Enigma works for me. Or even Oliver Shanti and friends.

o Tarot / Runes. Not something I know a great deal about, but I find myself attracted to them.

Ahh. Both very powerful tools that I have only begin to touch the tip of the iceberg. I got some great info from OxonPagan (on this site)
Firstly Aeclectic Tarot is a good place to start just to browse through the various decks. You should be able to feel a connection to a deck and be able to read the cards themselves. Some are 'pretty' cards that I think have fantastic art work but couldn't read from myself.

and to quote a segment from OxonPagan (hope you don't mind hun)

Have a read of Evelyn Henry's article on tarot and its history, and it'll tell you a bit more about why the cards work as they do and why the Rider-Waite is not the only valid deck out there...

There are also several posts in 'Starting Orders' that discuss Tarot and starting places.

Runes to me are a little easier to handle. Just reading required.
You could give 7th Star a go over. There are some good pages on Runes & Tarot (beware, the Author is a tad biased towards the Raider Waite deck)

As always, some information provided is from personal view. You don't have to agree with everything you read

o Respect for nature.

That is good. Find a place that you feel safe in and perhaps start doing meditations there

o Goddess and God representing various aspects of life. Tho this one is hard for me to accept - 20-odd years of Christianity kinda drills home a single deity.

Being Pagan doesn't mean you have to believe in all the deities. (at least I don't think so)
I didn't find which suited me til a few years into walking a Pagan path so don't fret.

o Magick (ok, that's very very broad, but I don't know enough to be more specific).

Sorry, don't look at me Again, try sifting through the 'Starters orders' - there is a search button to help you

o Using energy for healing purposes.

I can not personally put into words how it works for me.

o Meditating, including use of candles and incense.

This is probably a more personal thing you need to work out. Certain colours represent different things (as do smells) but trust your instincts. To start with try White candles and an incense that makes you relax. For uplifting feelings use a Citrus based stick. For a good 'motherly' feel try Ylang Ylang.

o Empathy - I can sometimes "sense" what animals are "thinking", if that makes sense...

That makes sense. Again can not really word a response. Sorry



Hope that helps

Try not to embrace it all at once as it is overwhelming.
Work out a Ritual for yourself, certainly learn about Protection , that is the most important thing, and Grounding also is pretty essential.
As you are empathetic towards animals , it could be that you are a healer, (Icould just be prejudice there , as that's what I am)
But finding what you are is the route to finding your Dieties.

I'm ex RC and possibly come as far away from there as one can???

I'm learning about Tarot and the Runes too, plus crystals, oils.

Bookshelves are very useful things to have for a Pagan

Hello Taemar. Good advice so far, though I'd say you have a basis already. Don't worry so much about the information overload, that happens to us all! Best thing you can do is read whatever comes to hand and if something appeals, take it and if it doesn't leave it. You are certainly not alone in having a mixed reaction to Mr Cunningham. It's a good thing to be discerning, it helps no end to construct your own way of being pagan from the thousands of options.

As for the god thing... yes there are some who think all gods are aspects of one god/dess but this is by no means a constant in Paganism. Some pagans will get very cross indeed if you try telling them that Odin, Thor, Herne, Diana, Hera or whoever is actually just a facet of a single deity. If it makes more sense to you that they are separate then go with that, to be honest I reckon that idea was come up with to make it easier for those coming from Christianity to deal with.

As for a direction, you've got it. You listed 8 points there, expand on them, focus on them. You may well find that you will be drawn off on tangents or change your mind about some of them, thats fine. You've got a lifetime to learn this, take it slow.

Tae, I understand exactly where you're coming from, because it is almost exactly where I come from as well! So, you're not alone either in background or in that feeling of confusion


Lynae and Sherringham have both made some excellent points. The main point I would add is to take things slowly, and do only what feels absolutely right for you. Paganism doesn't mean that you have to adopt a whole creed straight away - it's OK to wander around the edges and try things out until you've worked out what's right for you.

The confusion may not clear up for a whilte yet, but that's not a bad thing - it gives you time to explore.

Meditation certainly helps, whatever path you find yourself following. If you are sensitive to energies then I recommend finding out about centering and grounding yourself. Personally I love Tarot and I'm just getting into runes - I would recommend just chosing one and working with it for a while to get the feel for it. I use the Rider-Waite deck mostly but you need to pick the one that you feel most connection with (and don't worry if you then change your mind and pick another one! That happens as well ). Try to get out into nature as often as possible - this will help with the grounding. Gods and Goddesses will turn up in their own time.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

Totally agree with all the above and yes, it does seem daunting when there is so much (sometimes conflicting) information available.

Pick and choose, see what suits you, and don't forget that this isn't like that other place - you are not obliged to make a commitment blindly and then stick to it for the rest of your life. Many of us have found that we started out on one path and then it led elsewhere. Change is healthy, it's stagnation that is dangerous .... getting stuck in a rut with beliefs or practices and becoming totally blinkered to other ways and systems that exist.

Take your time and enjoy the journey!

I cant add a whole lot to what has already been said other than i have known i am a pagan from about the age of 17, before that i was a fluffy wiccan (no offense meant to anyone) love spells etc etc etc. so from the age of about 14 i knew i wasnt a christian - flippin typical, id not long been confirmed maybe it was that which made me realise - i dont know. anyway - even after 6 years, i still have no definate direction, i just tend to follow my instincts. i have no definate god or goddess, but at the moment i seem to be drawn to the celtic deities. when i first started looking the idea of so many gods and goddesses was very scary, i started by looking at it as two sides of a coin, male and female, and the church never showed us the flip side - if that makes sense, and developed from there

As to Tarot - i feel a definate affinity for it, there are many very talented people on this site who can point you in the right direction. currently i just follow my instincts when reading the cards and i work with a Robin Wood tarot deck. i find the pictures easy to interpret.

Good Luck with it and dont worry too much about being on the right path - it could change as you learn more - just follow your heart

The main point I would add is to take things slowly, and do only what feels absolutely right for you. Paganism doesn't mean that you have to adopt a whole creed straight away - it's OK to wander around the edges and try things out until you've worked out what's right for you.

Gods yes! (no pun intended)
There is no need to rush or put pressure on yourself. I'm still learning and people I know who have been practicing for years are still learning. That is in a sense the best part about it all for me. You don't have to be on a 'path' to be going the right direction

Absolutely Lynae - the craze for self-dedication the minute someone showed an interest in any kind of paganism can be a bit of a bind ... literally. People find they have dedicated their lives to a system or a deity before really knowing what else is out there.

As it a life-long journey, why not stop and admire the flowers along the way?

Hi Taemar

Agree with whats been said so far but that doesn't stop me giving you my opinion

o Ritual. Back in church, I found the various set prayers / chants good for focussing my mind.

So if it works for you you can still do it. Only now you have the freedom to create your own rituals, prayers etc.. which reflect your path.

o Tarot / Runes. Not something I know a great deal about, but I find myself attracted to them.

Yep they are very enticing aint they. My view is if something calls to you, answer it.

o Respect for nature.

Something that ALL people should have.

o Goddess and God representing various aspects of life. Tho this one is hard for me to accept - 20-odd years of Christianity kinda drills home a single deity.

Well the thing is within Paganism today there are many different ways to approach gods. Some people follow the Wiccan view that there is only one Divine force and that all deities are facets of the male and female aspects.
Some people see many individual gods and goddesses, for them they are all individuals and they can work with many or just the one. Some people don't even see gods or goddesses as being real and others don't think they exist at all.

Basically the way you interpret the Divine is what is comfortable to you. No one is right and no one is wrong. In fact you may find over time that your understanding and interpretation of divinity changes - I know mine did.

o Magick (ok, that's very very broad, but I don't know enough to be more specific).

Not compulsary, just like there is no compulsion to put that K on the end

o Using energy for healing purposes.

take things slowly and don't rush in. Remember that you can not play 'god' only help Nature to take care of things.

o Meditating, including use of candles and incense.

Good place to start and can lead on to many other skills.

o Empathy - I can sometimes "sense" what animals are "thinking", if that makes sense...

A gift that may develop with the above.



Now Mr Cunningham is not to everyone's taste and though I think the book is reasonable good (if you want to follow his 'Standing Stones' approach) I would recomend looking at a variety of other authors and then supplementing this with books on natural history, myth, legend,social history etc (have I scared you off yet?)

Basically just try and read as much as you can and from different sources. While few are completely wrong no one book will tell the whole story.

Just take things slowly and let your path grow from within. Be prepared to revisit ideas and change opinions, and you will find that you have moved on without realising.

Kev

Wow. Thanks very much for all the replies! Seems I have a lot to think about. It's good to know there's a lot to work out for myself - find out what I believe in and what works for me, and go from there.

I'm definately interested in Tarot and Runes. I spent quite some time on http://www.learntarot.org last night, and wound up ordering two decks; "Beginner's Guide to Tarot with Cards" (Juliet Sharman-Burke, Giovanni Caselli), and "Dragon Tarot Deck" (Peter Pracownik). Look 'em up on Amazon if y'like - that's where I ordered them from. Learntarot.org showed the images along with brief reviews, which helped. At some point, if I feel I'm making progress, I will go buy a Rider-Waite deck. I would like to learn about Runes, but I think one thing at once.

I'm not too creative, but I think I'm motivated enough to attempt writing my own rituals. Time to find me my own Book of Shadows, methinks.

I already have some knowledge about protection/shielding, so I'll work on that. The biggest problem I found with working with energy is I'm never sure if I'm imagining the effects, of if there's somethign actually happening. I pretty much gave up for a while because I didn't feel I was getting anywhere.

In "A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", Mr.C mentions different coloured candles for different effects. Is this a "globally" accepted idea, or was it suggested as something that could help replace/enhance a good visualisation technique? (ie, imagining what the points represent, but using plain candles instead of coloured?) I hope that makes sense...

Thanks again for the replies. I'm really encouraged by you guys - It's really good to know there are others out there who are or have been in similar situations to mine.

-Tae

This post has been edited by Taemar: Jun 20 2005, 02:42 AM

Agree with whats been said so far but that doesn't stop me giving you my opinion

Taemar I wish you the best of luck and feel free to PM me. I'm still a beginner but I certaintly don't mind talking about it all. Best way to learn sometimes
Plus if you like I can help you with incense (I study aromatherapy)

In "A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", Mr.C mentions different coloured candles for different effects. Is this a "globally" accepted idea, or was it suggested as something that could help replace/enhance a good visualisation technique? (ie, imagining what the points represent, but using plain candles instead of coloured?) I hope that makes sense...

Colour correspondence is pretty much universal, however the colours and meanings don't always match.

To be honest it pretty much comes down to what you feel is right. So if someone says that inspiration is aubergine and you feel that inspiration is more burnt umber - go with the burnt umber

(colours chosen at random so as not to upset people )

Coz

Alternatively, use any colour that comes to hand simply tell it what colour it is, wax isn't very bright, it'll believe you.

In "A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", Mr.C mentions different coloured candles for different effects. Is this a "globally" accepted idea, or was it suggested as something that could help replace/enhance a good visualisation technique? (ie, imagining what the points represent, but using plain candles instead of coloured?) I hope that makes sense...

Colour correspondence is pretty much universal, however the colours and meanings don't always match.

To be honest it pretty much comes down to what you feel is right. So if someone says that inspiration is aubergine and you feel that inspiration is more burnt umber - go with the burnt umber

(colours chosen at random so as not to upset people )

Coz

WAAAAA! you didn't choose green!!

In "A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner", Mr.C mentions different coloured candles for different effects. Is this a "globally" accepted idea, or was it suggested as something that could help replace/enhance a good visualisation technique? (ie, imagining what the points represent, but using plain candles instead of coloured?) I hope that makes sense...

Colour correspondence is pretty much universal, however the colours and meanings don't always match.

To be honest it pretty much comes down to what you feel is right. So if someone says that inspiration is aubergine and you feel that inspiration is more burnt umber - go with the burnt umber

(colours chosen at random so as not to upset people )

Coz

WAAAAA! you didn't choose green!!

thats because green is linked to aspiration.. or was that puce??

Alternatively, use any colour that comes to hand simply tell it what colour it is, wax isn't very bright, it'll believe you.

Esk raises a vlaid point ehre, that you can do it this way. I have noticed a starnge affect for me however. The colour of the candle because I am still aware of it can influence HOW the goal of the ritual is achieved.
Allow me to explain, say I only had a blue candle, sky blue, and I needed a black candle, as I was going to try sending something to the void. I dunno a bad habit say.
Obviously as I have stated black for me = banishing absolutely.
But sky blue for me = Communication

Hypothetiually the result is that everybody around me will get on my back about the particular habit, etc.
Strange. I'm suggesting that while the wax may believe you, you'll always know what colour the candle is. It doesn;t invalidate the magic just flavours it say!

Point being though, that it's all down to you so it's only as important as you find it. Colours aren't important to my workings so I can use any colour although I use white mainly beacause it's easier to buy white cheaply in bulk. Colour is important to you so you need the right colour. Different strokes for different folks but the magic doesn't seem to care especially.

Indeed it all is in the head, the points were in unison, mine was just an... expansion down a different path.

This post has been edited by givenup: Jun 30 2005, 02:39 PM

Ok so I am putting my hand up to be the dumbest most confused newbie .
I'm slowing clarifying what I believe (leaning towards just a spirit of nature no individual deities type of thing at the moment) although I'm aware that may well change over time. But I'm totally confused about what I actually do as a result of that- when I was living as a Christian I had plenty of people to tell me what to do- pray, read the Bible every day, go to church, go to homegroup etc etc.

I've seen people talking about meditating and seeing things and all that, I have meditated a few times before but its just been getting bored sitting quietly trying not to think of all the housework I should be getting on with .

I'm not even sure what this power/ spirit I believe in about... do I believe it wants to communicate with me, help me etc? All this is making me realise how as a Christian I was so dependant on being told what to do either by the Bible or my church (or my husband who I used to go to for advice on spiritual matters as he was a much stronger Christian than me). And I was told what I should expect from God then too (the fact that it didn't happen is why I'm here really).

I suppose I just want to find out a bit about what are the kind of practices a Pagan of my persuasion would be involved with.

I had an experience once when I was prayed for at a church event where I met Jesus and was just kneeling down feeling totally overwhelmed with the utter BEAUTY of him as a person. I've hung on as a Christian for years hoping to meet him again but never did. I'd certainly love to find something that would help me get in touch with that again..... I suppose I'm hoping that was this same divine force that I am believing in now. And that its something I'm kind of already part of, like I feel part of the land when I sit on the moors.

Ok just a couple of thoughts...

One of the beauties of Pagan paths is that of self discovery, of seeking for yourself. So have a bit of self confidence.. trust your instincts a bit and you will not be too far wrong.
My impression from your post is that your are not as lost as you think you may be.

You talk about the feelings that you have when you are up on the moors... well maybe that is the place to go an meditate... close to what makes you 'buzz' (of cause take due care with your safety) Rather than in your house with all the distractions of housework.
Or prehaps going on a walk up there and just asking / opeing yourself up and saying... well here I am... and then beig still enought to here the answer. It is unlikely to be a thunder bolt, but it might be as simple as a birds song... or a beautiful cloud formation, a ray of sunlight on a bit of rock... breath it in. That is often the 'magic' that Pagans talk about.

As for what Pagans do... well there is a saying ask 6 pagans get 12 answers... so here is just a 'couple' of answers from 'one' pagan!

I keep a sort of diary, I call it my 'randomness' or 'comments on life', some call it a BoS (Book of Shadows). Mine is on my computer, but really you can keep it any way you like... it is a record of what I have found out, interesting articals, recipies, notes on nature, animals and plants that I have observed, times of moon cycles, thoughts on my path, bits of stories, rhymes... and all sorts of other things that I feel are relevant to my path. It is a way of gadgeing your progress, of thinking about and clarifying your thoughts, of recording your discoveries. It becomes a referance, an affermation of who I am and a guide to where I might go next.

Many Pagans also express thier love / appriciation of thier path by being active in matters pertaining to the enviroment or care of people, plants, animals or places... that does not mean that you have to become a raving vegan hippie... but prehaps consider how you can make your lifestyle more enviromentally friendly... everything from light bulbs and recycaling to growing your own veg or joining a 'Friends of' group.

Joining places like here are also a way of having that comunity and idea exploring enviroment that a Church may provide. I have to say that there is also a lot of dross out there, but this corner of cyber space has some very good information and some excellent experianced people... ask the right question and you are sure to get a flood of ideas / answers.

Be bright, be bold
Fillionous

Yup, ditto on what Fillionous said!

What Fillionous said

D’you mind if I make an observation? Well, a couple I guess.

It seems like you’re still looking for someone to tell you what to do. And the thing is that Paganism is such an individual, organic belief system that that just ain’t gonna happen J

The other observation is, obviously not knowing you very well, but it sounds like you had a profound experience with Jesus, and I just can’t shake this feeling that your dissatisfaction with Christianity is the human rigidity of it rather than the core of it – a belief in and connection with Jesus and the Christian God. You said yourself that you’re hoping that this was the same divine force you believe in now. I can’t help but wonder if rather than working with what already makes you feel connected you’re fighting against it. Let me put a suggestion to you – that you place Jesus as the deity at the heart of your beliefs, but without the folderoll that goes with Christianity? That you think about Jesus as perhaps the divine force in nature and the world as you see it?

Could be, like Fillionous said, you're not as lost as you think you are...

Hi Moonrising
Just wanted to put in my twopennorth though I am not experienced in paganism by any means and hope not to offend anyone by what I say.
I was also christian for most of my life and I too had a lovely experience of Jesus.

Over the past couple of years I began to think about the christian chuch and the more I thought about it the less it made sense to me. I came to the conclusion that Jesus had been given a very bad press and that on a good day I was nicer than God! I knew this was not the case so I must have got something fundamentally wrong.
My need to know led me eventually and by chance to a website by Sallymorningstar (hedgewitch) and I was amazed to read all about me! OMG! But I can't be a witch! I'm a Christian! Then came the horror, guilt and fear bit. As I wandered round in no mans land, considering myself to be lost forever, the penny finally dropped! I had made my God so small and ineffectual when actually He/She was Everything, Everywhere. She was my sky, my Earth, the Moon. He was my sun, the air I breath, the wind in my hair, the rain on my face. She was the tree, the flower, the bird...
Finally I realised that I no longer had to depend on a priest. I am a priestess. The energy of life is all around us to be absorbed and used and given back. I had come Home. Every day is an opportunity to learn more and this site is a treasure trove of wisdom from people who are all different and all the same. Enjoy your journey.
Shall have to go and lie down now in a darkened room

This post has been edited by Kitchenwitch: Feb 15 2007, 03:06 PM

Thanks for your replies, lots of food for thought and lots of good points too. I went up to the moors today, I only had a few minutes while supposed to be on a supermarket errand, sat there at dusk. Breathed the air and went down to a little stream and let it run over my hand. Interested to find that as soon as I start to think about opening myself up or connecting with anything I find I am calling on Jesus. And as soon as I get anxious I do the same. Pomona maybe you've got a point. I am very unhappy with the legalistic, constantly striving to do better and feeling guilty version of Christianity I have progressed into over the last few years. And not at all happy with my church and the leadership there. But I suppose if I am honest I have to admit I am still smitten with Jesus.... but then there's 20 years of disappointment and a fair bit of bitterness there too, which makes me feel more like I need to just walk away. And some of it could just be habit after 20 years of practising it.

I'm just going to go with the flow for a while- try to learn to trust myself instead of always wanting rules to tell me what to do (which I then hate and want to rebel against ) or someone to tell me the answers (ie stop asking my husband ). Unlearn some habits, try some new things, open myself to new ideas, find time to spend alone. I've also been thinking about the things I was drawn to and loved as a child/ teenager- like the moors, poetry, sacred sites, my unicorns and moon obsession and my King Arthur mania etc... all these things have something to tell me about my spirituality I think.

God being everywhere, I like that . I've got into feeling he's sitting in heaven tutting in disapproval and thinking I'm not worth bothering with. God (with male and female attributes) everywhere, suffusing everything, uniting everything into one (including me), yep, I like that .

Thanks

Thanks for your replies, lots of food for thought and lots of good points too. I went up to the moors today, I only had a few minutes while supposed to be on a supermarket errand, sat there at dusk. Breathed the air and went down to a little stream and let it run over my hand. Interested to find that as soon as I start to think about opening myself up or connecting with anything I find I am calling on Jesus. And as soon as I get anxious I do the same. Pomona maybe you've got a point. I am very unhappy with the legalistic, constantly striving to do better and feeling guilty version of Christianity I have progressed into over the last few years. And not at all happy with my church and the leadership there. But I suppose if I am honest I have to admit I am still smitten with Jesus.... but then there's 20 years of disappointment and a fair bit of bitterness there too, which makes me feel more like I need to just walk away. And some of it could just be habit after 20 years of practising it.

I'm just going to go with the flow for a while- try to learn to trust myself instead of always wanting rules to tell me what to do (which I then hate and want to rebel against  ) or someone to tell me the answers (ie stop asking my husband  ). Unlearn some habits, try some new things, open myself to new ideas, find time to spend alone. I've also been thinking about the things I was drawn to and loved as a child/ teenager- like the moors, poetry, sacred sites, my unicorns and moon obsession and my King Arthur mania etc... all these things have something to tell me about my spirituality I think.

God being everywhere, I like that  . I've got into feeling he's sitting in heaven tutting in disapproval and thinking I'm not worth bothering with. God (with male and female attributes) everywhere, suffusing everything, uniting everything into one (including me), yep, I like that  .

Thanks 

moonrising
youre inital comments could have been written by me (if i could write as cleary as that) so the answers were i felt meant for me to. im learning slowly but i feel also god is everywhere, except i at the mo call it a sprit because god is a very christain thing (at least to me)
the idea that he has a male and female helps me i coulnt understand how jesus could know how i feel about womens things when he was a man its nice to know that out there everywhere is a spirit who does
if you learn any more please pass it on to another fledging newbie
love aj

*points at a pile of books*

READ.

Boring I know but well worth it. Look into all the different types of paganisim. Learn a little about the ancient religions. Get out and take a look at nature and whats going on with the world and then quite simply just start being.. living... it'll come.

Old saying.. works for everything..

"if its for you.. it wont go by you.."

What amazing answers- they have really helped me on a very Similar path Moonrising. I too am learning to undo 14 years of evangelical christianity and REALLY find what i belive rather than what others tell me, to REALLY find out who god/goddess is and who I am. It is a very scary time as I am still part of a church, but also really freeing to be exploring ideas that I was previously warned not to consider as they were 'demonic'!

Enjoy the journey and it would be good to chat sometime to compare notes!

It is a very scary time as I am still part of a church, but also really freeing to be exploring ideas that I was previously warned not to consider as they were 'demonic'!

How do you do that? Do any of them know? Don't answer if you'd rather not, but i'm in a similar position.
I'm not a member of any church, I left the church at 15, but my parents are Strict and Particular (or Peculiar as we like to call them) Baptists, very hard line, and they will go to their graves not knowing anything about my own explorations.
If my mother were aware that I was even contemplating having heretical & sinful books in my house she'd probably try to take my daughter away from me.
And then take me away somewhere for "de-programming"...
Badger's Moon
xx

Demonic....... hmm yeah, still struggling a bit with that myself..... I think that's partly where the calling on Jesus thing is coming from, because I intend to open myself to whatever is there but then I get scared that evil spirits will come and mess me up.

My husband is a *very* committed Christian and he's being wonderful, in fact he really surprised me , he did say "be careful" but he understands that I need to find my own way and that pressuring me won't bring me to a strong Christian faith. When it comes to the children, well thats another issue but we have talked about celebrating the turning of the year as a family (after all thats God's creation so why not) and finding a wording for grace at mealtimes that we are both happy with (at the moment he says grace and I don't say Amen).

Books are an issue here too though, I know he wouldn't be happy for me to bring pagan books into the house. I just keep emphasising equality of rights here and if he wants to share his faith with the children and celebrate Christian festivals then he has to do the same for me. But I know that I need to be respectful of his beliefs and that means accepting that he believes that any spirit or power thats not his God is demonic. I don't actually want to debate faith with him because Christianity works really really well for him and I don't actually want him to lose his faith! I think he's not so worried as he believes I'm int he grip of God and in the end will come back to it. Maybe he's right, I don't really care as long as I end up with something I really believe in and feel is fulfilling and not empty!

Eagledance, I've been following your thread in pagan paths with interest, it does seem we're in a similar place right now. I'm still officially part of our church although I haven't been attending regularly for a while for various reasons. They don't know about this although they do know I have lost my Christian faith (and they also said no point pressuring me, I have to find faith for myself, so are leaving me alone- too mcuh alone in fact!!). You'll have to keep me posted how your journey is going. I think mines going nowhere fast at the moment just because I am way too busy with 4 youngish children to have time for much reading/ meditating on the moors etc, I'll have to be patient! But what you said about findibg out what you REALLY believe, I totally get that!

(excuse the americanisms, too much time on a US parenting board )