I think this is in the right place but please move it if it isn't!

Right, I was wondering if people could give me some advice.

My sister and her husband are quite religious (her husband used to do a lot of work with the church and they've helped on xtian summer camps) and they are now pregnant. Now, this is very exciting

However, I am now preparing myself for the inevitable question ... will I be it's (they don't know what they're having because they don't want to, so for now it is an it) godmother.

Now this puts me in an awkward position, because obviously I don't share their beliefs. But they don't know that, or at least I haven't come out and said it although my sister has suspicions, and if I say anything I don't know how my family will take it. I don't go out of my way to hide anything, or make excuses for my ever expanding book collection, but while it isn't spoken about they don't have to deal with the reality.

How can I let my sister know that I'm flattered and I'll quite happily be a guardian or mentor type person without coming right out and saying something that could cause a lot of upset?

L

At the risk of sounding heavy handed Smokie do you reckon you could just tell your sis that?

Like " hey i'm extremely flattered that you would like me to be "bump"'s guardian but i have a wee problem with the wording....."

Que long adult type discussion (whereas in my family it would be - you what.......(sheirek!!!))

My mum is a church elder and i got round her by saying about how according to her beleifs God maed that world nature etc and how it was beautiful and with global warming etc isnt it time someone saved the planet/paid hommage to it etc (choose words according to your path etc)

She eventually came round after i stopped banging on about how she should be proud of how she brought me up to question things etc.....

If they already suspect why don't you start discussing the "elephant in the room" there always was a large elephant in our front room when i was a teenager!

E xx

What, both of them !!!!!! there's a novelty.


Jokes apart, if the situation does arise and you are asked, then you will have to be straight with them and explain your differing religious views. Let your sister know that you will be very happy to be the sprogs guardian, or what ever you care to call the job or even, if you believe in a god in your personal path, that you would be the childs god mother but not as a christian god mother, though the vicar might not be to happy with that idea.

must admit i'm in a similar boat. my sis also up the duff but i don't think she'll ask me to be little ones godmother as we don't talk much but going back to your situation if i were you i'd say i would love to be godmother, remember a godmother is just another word for guardian and as a guardian you don't have to do anything but be there when litten starts asking quetion that mum and dad can't or wont answer.

kind of agreeing with epona there on the 'job description' part, but i can understand your concern. i have had this same thing, with a very good friend.

i told them, that i was taking this seriously, and didnt want to make promises i wasnt sure i could keep. the practical part of being a godparent is fairly easy, but the promise to bring up the child in the xtian faith, i couldnt do.

so i reckon honesty is the best policy. talk to her about it.

Part of the Christian christianing service is the godparens promising to to ensure that the child is brought up in the Christian faith. It's pretty explicit. I think that you need to think very carefully about whether you could make that promise before you agree to anything. As I understand it most Chrisitan vicars would not accept a non-Christian as a godparent if they knew beforehand.

It's difficult, but I think that I would have the conversation. You could always say that you're delighted and flattered that they want to involve you closely in their child's life, and that you'd be happy to be a mentor/guardian etc., but you feel that it would be hypocritical to make promises about religious beliefs that you don't share. Easier said than done, I know!

You say that you think that your sister has suspicions - you never know, maybe she's trying to find a way to raise the subject herself. Good luck.

After all you don't need to go into detail about what it is you do beleive. Just that you don't altogether share theirs.
It depends what she wants from a godparent. If she wants the whole spiritual guidance thing then there could be problems, but if she wants to strngthen ties between you and the neicephew maybe you could go for a non-religious ceremony with just you?
We had a naming-ceremony for BabyBadger and nominated 3 people to be"godparents and moral guardians" (or ungodly and amoral guardians as we like to think of them ). I'm a "special auntie" to my humanist friends' eldest daughter.
badger's Moon
xx