Deities. Hmmm.

What do you do when it becomes obvious that Someone Wants You, but you're not sure exactly who, or what for? What if it's a tradition completely alien to you, that you have no ancestral or locational (sic) roots in and you've thought it was interesting enough in a distant way, sure, but never had any desire to look more deeply into before? And what if you're not even sure exactly what particular religion among several it is, <i>but it keeps making you dance anyway</i>?

There is a male. I think there is also a female, but it's the male I am getting most strongly. (The female comes through in the dancing.) All day I've been trying to write, completely sober, not on any drugs nor having ever DONE any drugs besides a couple of experiments with non-hallucinogens something like ten years ago. I'm not ill, I'm not even really tired. But Something Is Up.

I'm sorry, I'm REALLY confused and more than a little unnerved by this. I should be in a completely normal mental state, but I'm not.

What it looks like is someone, or a couple of someones, from some specific syncretized pantheon with African roots is coming to visit. I've never been one for deities, the occasional genius loci excepted (if they count), but I know some pantheons. I am comfortable enough with them. I read a lot of mythology as a child, and if for some reason ancient Greeks or Egyptians showed up I'd wave a cheery hello and offer them a cup of tea (or blood, if it was Sekhmet). These guys, though, I know nothing about. And I cannot figure out why in the world they'd want to come visit a random white girl who grew up in the midwestern United States. Far be it from me to deny it if they do. But I can't figure out who they are, and I think that's kind of a necessary step to being able to say hello.

This is very, very weird. And I swear to you that I am in fact sane. A little moody at times, but sane. Not prone to random dancing spells in front of the computer (or anywhere else, in fact, even at a club.)

I guess I just want some reassurance that this could, in some way, make sense. That people can just show up and not really tell you who they are (though they give hints) or why they're there. I wouldn't be worried if these guys were Celtic or Native American or anything else in my ancestry. But this is weirding me out.

In NO WAY do I have anything other than respect for these deities. But they're so alien to my research and experience that I have less than no idea how to approach them. Gah, does anyone have any advice? Why in the world might they want to visit ME?

The walls aren't moving or anything. The house looks completely normal (if a bit messy). I feel fine, just compulsively like dancing in a very unusual way and researching unexpected things. I can't concentrate on the story I was supposed to be working on, but other than that I see no signs that I'm losing my mind. Even the cats are acting as normal as cats ever do.

What's going on here? And how do I find out, besides further compulsive googling, who exactly is hanging around my head?

I'm a little freaked out here. What do I do?

I was such a happy little nontheist...

Go with the flow, you may find what they have to say interesting.

Hi Ondia!

It's a misconception I often run across in people who don't have experience of Vodou and other syncretic traditions that you have to be of Haitian or African blood in order to practice the religion or serve the spirits. That's simply not true. In fact a fair few Loa (spirits) are described as being white or of mixed race, and others don't even take human form. La Sirene, for example, is a light skined mermaid whileDamballah is described as a huge white python. Vodou doesn't just come from African roots; it contains Native American beliefs, freemasonry and even aspects of European paganism as well.

So, all that said, don't be afraid or anxious that you might be offending the Loa by virtue of your birth. I'm a white middle class girl who grew up in the Home Counties and I've been successfully practicing Vodou for years.

When the Loa visit for the first time it can be very unnerving! So don't worry, you're not alone there. People I've met over the years who've come to practice Vodou are always amazed just how physical and experiential it is in comparison with many other traditions.

If you'd like to describe the two spirits you're seeing, and also any changes or unusual happenings you're notciing around you right now, I'm sure we can get to bottom of who it is! Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk privately.

A few minutes ago I was finally kind of "let go" in the middle of some research, though it's pretty clear that they'll be back, so I'm rather more relaxed now Yeah, that was VERY different from anything I've ever experienced before. Much harder to rationalize or ignore, too!

I didn't so much see them as feel them, but I'll try to describe what I can. The woman was more subtle than the man, except that she made me dance. That in itself is REALLY odd, because I NEVER dance. I've had some disconnecion issues with my body throughout my life, and it was really strange to have the split consciousness of my own mind telling me that I DON'T MOVE LIKE THAT, but that only a nervous buzz over someone much more assured and sensual (not sexual necessarily) who informed me that I damned well DID move like that, and I did it NOW. Heh. Kind of cool, actually. There didn't even exactly have to be music. I have the impression of a smooth, dark face for her, but apart from that and the self-assurance, not too much overt impression. As I say, I don't know if she's explicitly sexual, but she's definitely sensual, and strong.

The male is harder to describe, though he was around for more of the day, and honestly more in control. (Not that they were fighting.) It was like the woman was in my body, and the man was standing... not behind me, but all around me. He was definitely adult, also very self-assured. I think he had a sense of humor, but now was not the time to show it. I found myself looking up a lot of the variations of Elegba/Eleggua/Legba etc., and being less attracted to other names, and I could definitely see the Crossroads connection, if it was him. His personality is very difficult to describe, and I had the impression he was being a lot more guarded and stern than he usually would, trying to make sure I was aware that he wasn't messing around since this was our first meeting, or something. Very strong, and VERY male. Again, not illustrating anything sexual at all, though for all I know it may have been in there.

What happened... the compulsive research, the compulsive dance, and a very definitely altered mental state. I've been doing things with what for lack of a better term we shall call "energy" for more than half my life, and that was an element of this, but it was different. The air was sort of crackling. I kept expecting a storm that hasn't come. It IS windy outside, knocking-stuff-over windy, and when I went out to smoke the weird buzziness in my head and sensation of energy got stronger. But that might not have to do with this. (Not a nicotine buzz. Been years since I got one of those!)

Gah, I see what you mean about the physicality of it. That dance thing freaked me out. But I must admit... I hope they come back.

Interesting!

Well, dance is a major part of Vodou. The spirits love to dance and some of them, like the ancestral Gede, have their own dance called the banda. So I'm not particularly surprised that the spirits wanted you to get up and shake your thing.

Hmm, the female spirit could be any one of a number of Loa. The assured and sensual nature of the spirit as well as the skill in dancing mean it could be Maman Brigitte, wife of Baron Samedi, but she's often quite a quiet spirit and doesn't make herself known to people at first, so I'm hesitant about this. You mentioned feeling as if there was a storm in the air, so I actually wonder if you met Erzulie Dantor, who is frequently associated, in New Orleans at least, with storms.

Dantor is a powerful, assured spirit who is associated with triumph over adversity and protection for the vulnerable. She's one of the Petro retinue of spirits, who are more active, hot-natured and aggressive than the cooler and more gentle Rada. Dantor is described as a strong, independent single mother; a black woman of large, solid build with tremendous physical strength. She's a businesswoman and market trader who works hard for her servitors and gets things done. She's frequently called on to protect women or children who have been abused, and by people who feel beaten down by their enemies.

The other deity you describe might well have been Legba, yes. He's the first spirit served in any ceremony as he opens the door between the spirit world and our own world. Without his help, a ceremony can't proceed. As you note, he's the Loa of the crossroads and is a very male spirit. He's immensly powerful but is something of a joker.

Of course another possiblity is that they were orisha rather than Loa, and came from the Santeria or Candomble pantheon rather than the Vodou one. I'll post about that later on if you like.

Back again, this time with some thoughts on a certain Orisha who Ondia and I have been chatting about. The Orisha are spirits who come from religions related closely to Vodou but originate from different parts of South America - Brazil and Cuba particularly.

Oya bears many of the same associations as Brigitte and Dantor, the Loa I mentioned earlier. She's a guardian of the cemetery, is associated with tornadoes and storms, and is known for her dancing. Oya is a spirit of destruction and change. She tears down the old in order to make way for the new, and as such is sometimes seen as a battle goddess. Her fury is terrifying, so it's important to treat her with due respect and deference.

Ondia mentions a "smooth, dark face". I wonder if it's a mask? Oya is always shown wearing a mask, as it is said none have seen her true face. I remember a wonderful Oya altar in a Cuban restaurant I visited once in San Francisco. All the other shrines were jam-packed with offerings and sacred objects but Oya's was perfectly stark - a white mask on a purple-draped plinth against a rainbow background.

As a wind goddess, Oya is often thought of as the guardian of a human's last breath, and thus comes her association with the cemetery. She's also a goddess of the marketplace, where energies are in constant change and flux.

Oya is also associated with academia and the law, and will fight for justice on behalf of her servitors. A good place for her altar is in your study!

You can serve Oya at an altar decorated in her sacred colours of maroon, deep red, brown and burnt orange. Her sacred objects include a machete or sword - like the tarot Queen of Swords, she cuts through untruth to the heart of an issue - and a flywhisk; symbol of royalty and power.

You can offer her eggplants, dark red wine, red grapes, plums - any food in her sacred colours.

Any of this making sense, Ondia? Do you think it could be Oya who's appeared to you?

I think it may have been Oya in one or another of her manifestations. She's the closest I've come, as yet. And the information I've gotten about her, as about all the others, is pretty varied. That's why all I can say is that I THINK so. I should find out, because she's one of the orishas and lwa that I feel an attraction to and will be trying to develop a relationship with. And yeah, it's orishas and loas both. I have, of course, been thinking about this a LOT (read: incessantly) the past few days (I'm surprised my fiance hasn't told me to stfu yet, but he is bering very good about this), and I've come to the conclusion that the reason the Opener of the Gate, whichever spelling it turns out he prefers, was standing BEHIND me rather than in front of me, and the reason he was more controlled than is his wont, is that I'm not supposed to know which particular one of the African Diaspora religions I've been visited by until I study them all more generally. If he had showed himself to me, I would have had too much information, because his forms change with the religion. All he showed me was "male". I know he was an adult, but he might have been old, and he might not have. Clever, really. He is that sort.

As to Oya-or-maybe-not, some of the stuff about her really does resonate. I can tell you that the face I saw was definitely a human face, but that means little. No one knows better than the orishas that a human face can also be a mask-- hell, just at that time *I* was her mask, whoever she was. And the face was very smooth and impassive, not particularly animated. I wouldn't say I saw her true face, just one way she could show herself.

The spirits I find myself being attracted to so far are the Gate Opener (under whatever name), Oya, the Ghede, Ogun, and Dhamballa Wede. They have kindly arranged themselves into cardinal directions for me, and everything. (That's kind of for altar markings more than anything else.) There are others I know I will want to get to know eventually, but those are the first ones that present themselves. Which I believe is enough to start with. It's kind of interesting that both Oya and Maman Brigitte are on this list, and we shall see how that goes. Brigitte, of course, comes along with the Baron. But srsly, even if this grouping doesn't make sense, what am I going to do, say NO???

So yeah, various pantheons, but I really think I'm supposed to start my study more generally at first, since I didn't know any more about this than I knew about, say, Asatru (which is not much) before Tuesday, and substantially less than I knew about the Greek or Roman or Egyptian or even Celtic pantheons. No idea who will turn out to own my head or any of that, but it's a little early to be certain of almost anything. Except that I am Supposed To Do This. That is clear enough.

Turns out we're going to New Orleans in about a month with a few friends from the area, who had already planned the trip and invited us along on Wednesday. That should be most informative. And soon my books will start trickling in...

I did want to ask, by the way-- are there any orishas or loas you're aware of who are particularly associated with spiders?

ETA: And oh yeah, Air and Swords and Truth and Tornados and red wine all make a lot of sense to me. When I bought the Gate Opener his rum, I also grabbed a nice shiraz I plan to offer Oya when I get the altar up.

So interesting to read about "other" pagan paths here. I'm Celtic in background/current paths (although intellectually studied Greek and Roman at uni) and it is so good that paganUk is so wide in scope.

Please continue to post your experiences - fascinating.

Fascinating! As you note, Legba/Ellegua is depicted as either a child or an old man - sometimes both - in the diaspora religions.



That's wonderful! You have a fabulous grouping of spirits there. Legba of course goes without saying since he has to be saluted at every ceremony (which reminds me, I need to do a post about him later). I'm very close to the Gede - Baron and Brigitte in particular. You'll have a wonderful time serving those spirits.

Which Ogoun do you find yourself being drawn to? Ogoun Feray was one of the very first loa who contacted me, but in recent months I've found myself developing a relationship with Ogoun Badagris; the cunning but melancholy general and politician.

I've never worked wth Damballah Wedo but I definitely should. (For the benefit of non-practitioners reading this thread, Damballah is the ancient and wise father Loa; a huge white serpent who coil himself around the world, and who embodies peace and serenity.)



Hee! oh yes. When the Loa and Orisha call, you can't hang up Which is why it drives me mad when people get sniffy about a British girl serving the spirits. If they didn't want someone fro outside the diaspora serving them, they wouldn't have called on me.and they certainly wouldn't be answering when I do serve them.



Hooray! I LOVE New Orleans, though I haven't been back since the hurricane. Make sure you visit the grave of Marie Laveau in Saint Louis no1 - go with an organised tour though; the cemetery is a very dangerous place on the edge of a bad neighbourhood. There are lots of wonderful Vodou shops in the French Quarter and unfortunately some really dreadful ones. My favourites are Voodoo Authentica and Erzulie's on Royal Street. Erzulie's in particular is amazing. It has a wonderful selection of ritual oils, candles and powders. Find their website at www.erzulies.com



That does ring a bell; I'm fairly certain there's a Gede who's associated with spiders. I'll look it up and get back to you.

Okay, one more: is there anyone particularly associated with beetles? The large black nocturnal kind primarily, sigh. Animal association doesn't really seem to be that big a thing in these religions, from my obscenely limited knowledge, but still, I wonder.