Born into a 'Christian' family where I was 'sent' to church and Sunday School 3 times every Sunday - just to get me out of the house I think! Got married, had kids and after much soul searching became a committed Christian age 30. This was the result of a lifetime of depression followed by a total mental health breakdown. (the reasons why are another tale altogether). I argued with Christianity at every turn. I really wasn't compliant or accepting enough. I wasn't a 'real Christian' because I thought homosexuality was of God just like any other sexual preference. I thought good people of all faiths and none would return to God when they died. I thought that I wasn't born tainted with original sin.

I watched the twin towers fall in 2001, 5 days after my 50th birthday. My religion lay dead and buried beneath them.

2003 I got breast cancer. I never once asked why or how. I never spoke to God - not once. I was lost. Spiritually dead.

2004 I was researching an article on line to use in the writing course that I was studying.
I accidentally came across a website by Sally Morningstar. I thought that I would burst. This woman was describing my life, my thoughts, my feelings. I was what she was. Some of you might know how unthinkable witchcraft appears to a Christian albeit and ex one. God was just playing some awful joke on me Still I couldn't put it down or walk away from what I obviously was. I struggled with it but in the end I took it to my heart and knew that I was Home at last.

I have come to a point on my path where I consider myself Pantheistic. That is how I make sense of my world and though my physical health is poor my Spiritual health has never been better. That's it folks.

What a great bunch of extremely personal stories! With absolutely no offense intended to any poster and some "pre-forgiveness for generalizing", permit me to SPECULATE: ancestral genes - even from two or three generations back - can become dominant in an individual; "home dirt" or place will always have meaning; "Nature" - be it rocks, waters, trees, animals, etc. - has a "connection" for every individual IF they are open/receptive to "sensing" it. No, it ain't sex or inter-human love, but somehow "deeper than" mind, heart - even bones. Perhaps - as with the most "spiritual" person I've ever known - it seems to be inside the bones, in the marrow, where blood is reproduced???

Such "deep connection" MAY happen between two humans, but the intensity MAY not be compatible with the majority, mudane aspects of life???

I can have a drink and smoke on my patio and see chipmunks, squirrels, opossums - even a rat until I moved the dog to run them off - ground-feeding birds, feeder-feeding birds, drinking and/or bathing birds on the birdbath, all within 3-10 feet. Unless I move suddenly up, they watch, but ignore me. No, they don't even scare away if I talk to them. The Rufus-Sided Towhees will sometimes even talk back if I imitate their call. They must think I'm a mutant of their species - which may not be THAT far from the truth! :-)

We all know decent, considerate - a few even open-minded - religious people who are reasonably easy to get along with long-term. But the "twisted" ones - no matter how closely related - will never forgive us for not believing exactly as they do. Avoid, insofar as possible.

What an interesting thread - so many different stories.

For myself, I've always been very spiritual but have struggled my whole life trying to fit my feelings and beliefs into one of the organised religions. My family are loosely speaking Christian, but I got much more involved when my daughter went to a Catholic school.

Since reading that a few friends from other forums are Pagan and what Paganism entails, I suddenly realised "Hang on, that's what I've believed all along!" Paganism fits me rather than me having to change myself to fit it if you know what I mean. I'm very new to Paganism, but it feels right and just "fits". I haven't ever felt so comfortable with my spiritual beliefs.

I have not chosen a specific path - that seems too prescriptive to me. Rather, I am trying to open up to what's out there - letting nature take its course.

Country boy, I know what you mean - i found that my particular pagan path fit me instead of me trying to fit it it's a very good way to describe it.
I was reared catholic but only nominally, my mother pretends to be devout but isn't and my father (they spilt up years ago) is not what you'd call "spiritual" went to mass when mam made us and ignored it when she forgot to be devout; i was always trying to find something and when i went to the uk to work after college I encountered wicca and even joined a coven for two years until I left very disillusioned, then another few years later I moved back home and found my own native irish paganism, the local gods, and yes, as someone said earlier blood will out - immediately I found what I'd been looking for on my own doorstep. everything came together in a way that had never happened before and on a real level, not self conscious or feeling like playacting.

I came to Paganism from a non-comitted christian background. I was born into a disparate and fairly old farming family where there were always great-aunts and great grandmothers about who knew lots of stories about things that go bump in the night. They all followed the customs such as putting milk in the cup-marks on stones and dressing the springs every year but they all went to church on Sunday and we have the odd vicar in the family tree. I grew up reading Asterix and Alan Garner and when I found out about Druidry in 82 ish I decided to learn more. When I turned 16 I joined a correspondence course in Druidry based in Edinburgh but schoolwork and university intervened. I didn't know much about meditation so I decided to learn from the experts and became a Buddhist, actually living in a Buddhist community and immersing myself in martial arts and meditation for many years.

Eventually I came back home in the late 90s and found that some of my friends were actually Pagans which led me back to Druidry. I traced my family tree and found that my Fathers side were Welsh, Scottish and Danish while my Mothers side were Scottish and Norwegian/Faeroese which has led to a steady slide into Heathenry. At the moment I am fairly engaged with Druidry but my interest in all things Scandinavian are gaining ground as I study, Heathenry is not as well mapped out as Druidry which means that I will have to put a lot more effort into it if I am going to get anything out of it. This is probably where my future path lies.

I was brought up a Christian Scientist, or so I believed. As time and life went on I realised it was my father's interpretation of Christian Science rather than the - very open and logical - interpretation of Mary Baker Eddy. As he - my father - got older, his doctrine became more puritanical and bigotted, this really meant he spent the whole of his life trying to find his god, and missing everything else along the way. He died last Sunday - maybe he'll find what he was missing, I don't know. He stopped speaking to me three years ago, I didn't belong in his 'christian household'..........................oh well.
I have always been nature oriented, and have very high morals and principles - they just don't seem to be the same as everyone else's - it's getting harder and harder to be different these days.
The only label I have found that comes close to my life is 'witch', but I think you'd have to go a long way back in time to make it fit!

Oh bloody hell Beader

Can I just say how sorry I am, not just for your loss, but for the estrangement which effected that loss so much sooner...

The loss wasn't too bad, it took me until I was fifty to realise that 'duty' isn't everything - he wasn't a very nice person, so he wasn't going to be part of my life, it's all about choices. Put into context, my 15 yr old collie died a month ago.....................him I miss. On the upside, it's made me realise the futility of spending your earthly life trying to find out why you're here - just get on with it and stop analysing it!

Your stories are all so fascinating. I've read them twice and feel like I've still missed interesting bits so I will have to come back to this thread.

I was brought up broadly Christian. We weren't really religious or anything but I did go to a C of E high school. I was always very in tune with my spiritual side from an early age and lapped up everything, prayers, parables, R.E. lessons, everything. I never felt out of place in a church and I used to get very emotional singing Christmas carols. I wanted to be more active in my spirituality than my family was, but was not sure if Christianity was right for me. I had by this time read the whole Bible and decided that it had to be allegorical.

Although I felt an affinity with Jesus, I later categorised him in my mind as an 'ascended master' - it didn't feel right that there should be a mediator between the human and the divine - and I didn't see God as male, or in fact a human form at all (as I don't see angels in human form) - even though I have always had a knowing that there is a divine energy, which is evidenced in everything and everywhere to me.

At college I studied Religious Studies and read about many different types of Christianity and looked further into other religions too. It was just after that period that I read "The Celestine Prophecy" and that blew a lot of things I'd thought previously out of the water. I went on to devour many, many spiritual books and when I got my hands on the internet, to look up about Wicca and spiritualism. I found both fascinating, but neither sat quite right with me. I also had a friend whose step-father practised Buddhism and who taught me a fair bit about meditation and candle magick.

Angels always fascinated me, and I also felt a particular resonance with crystals - when I attended my crystal healing course there was a lot of work on healing yourself, working with nature, caring for the environment, respecting mother earth, working with ascended masters and goddesses, looking at different branches of ancient wisdom including Native American and Ancient Egyptian. I came back during this time to the ideas of spellcraft and divination, as well as channelling and working in tune with the phases of the moon and the passing of the seasons.

These things became interwoven with the work I did with angels and crystals and I was happy that my path was mine and was right for me. Recently, I have been *talking* to Pagans and Wiccans online on another forum I belong to for mums, and I just kind of realised, "hey, this sounds so much like me."

So here I am, to discover if I am indeed Pagan, not that the label bothers me but I think I've reached a point where I would like to belong and gather likeminded people around me who don't think I'm a total kook. And if I am Pagan, whether it is a particular branch of Paganism that suits me or whether it's more eclectic for me. Either way, so far, I think you guys have the most interesting things to say that I've ever heard anybody say - and I take that as a good sign.