Following on from the "your path" thread, I read something recently and it got me thinking.

Did you always know you were Pagan. Did you witchy types always know you were witches? Or were you just happily going along doing your own thing and had to have it pointed out?

What about when you first came online? Do you thinks its helped or hindered and have you changed your mind about what/who you are since meeting others?

Nosey arent I

1) i think i always knew i was a pagan just didn't know what it was called. I mean in a simple understanding of nature way, not the arm raising and robes part.
2) Witch (which i use as a term of convenience) part came later (if it came at all) and was pointed out to me.
3) Wow, where to start. Being on line is the worst thing pagan wise that has happened to me. I was content to be what i was and never spoke of it to anyone and was quite happy in my litle bubble thinking that the pagan community was mostly like me in essence. How wrong i was. I have only ever met really nice pagans in real life. I have met some really nice people on UKP too, most here are normally nice but there are way too many real arseholes which has once again brought my loathing for specific types of humankind to light. I thought that pagans were by their very nature tolerant, giving, loving but above all humble because all those i have met were exactly that, but having access to so many over the net i have found that many are far from this. Way too far up their own pagan arses was a phrase i heard and loved. I have radically changed my thoughts on my own spirituality and especially my wish to be associated with paganism and specifically with witchcraft as a result. Nothing has changed inwardly with my sprirituality (that is set in stone) but i have changed my mind about how i want to express it and myself. (Wow comf, you did ask ). So on the whole, on-line, negative, but very addictive.

I'm not sure that I "always knew", but it crystallized when I found myself in Church awaiting my first communion. Naturally enough there was a degree of fuss and bother, and an effort to impress upon the new communicants that this was an important rite. But I kept thinking: "This is NOT what I believe!".

Next step: find out what you believe.

For a long time - a long long time - Buddhism was closest to what I believe. But I suppose it's Western Taoism, or whatever you choose to call it. Really, "Freethinking".

If you ever get together with Pagans, Woozle, you'll find a proportion of them confirmed in their own conviction that they are the queen of the fairies, plus the bees knees and the cat's pyjamas.

Found it at the Bealtaine Bash. Found it at Druid Camp. Found it at Pagan Con. And naturally enough, you find it online too. What they mostly seem to want is attention and willing slaves. Once it's clear you are neither, they tend to leave you alone.

Unless it happens to be their football, in which case we leave them alone. But the end result is the same.

I was always happily going on doing my own thing, and anyone with the ugly habit of pointing it out usually ended up with a broken finger. Being online hasn't changed my mind either.

I can't say I always knew I was pagan, but when I did discover paganism and began studying it became clear that a lot of the ideas and points of view I held fitted very nicely into a pagan lifestyle.

It was never something that was pointed out to me, more something I arrived at by myself very gradually... it was a fair few years of finding out as much as I could before I cottoned on that this was something I could do, lol

As for the online pagan thing - I would say on balance it has helped me more than hindered me, when I first came online back in 2002ish I didn't know a single other pagan person that I could talk to and bounce ideas off, and felt very alone. Just talking to like minded people helped me a great deal, and I learned more from all the new people I met than from any amount of books. Of course, not every single person you come across online is going to be perfect, and we don't all agree all the time about everything either (think how boring that would be, lol), but there are enough good uns to make up for that

Agree with Fred that in any group there are gonna be those people who are a bit too full of their own importance, just looking for attention... but you get that in any group of people, not just pagans. These days I just ignore them, until they fall on their arses in which case I reserve the right to point and laugh! As i'm sure they do for me when I end up flat on my face, lol

I had no concept of "being Pagan" until I had learnt what being Pagan was supposed to be about; only then could I relate it to previous personal experiences or actions. Perhaps fortunately source information was far and few between, and on reflection it is apparent to myself that even without knowledge I had been acting in a Pagan manner - especially from and early age by seeing and talking to that which adults couldn't see. (Adults, all except for a favourite aunt who was very much open to my ramblings. I only wish she was around in person now to question her understanding further from a grown up perspective.)

The Witch label was again something self-applied (despite disapproval from parental and popular peer quarters), and as I have mentioned elsewhere was originally very much from a point of teen anti-establishment, however the more I read, the more it seemed to fit in with my own Nature centric philosophy on life the universe and everything.

As to the internet, well, whilst we have the vast resources of information at our fingertips, I believe it has actually become more difficult to determine fact from mere opinion, and that a great degree of net-savvy is required as well as pure determination and education to be able to distinguish genuine sources from opposing politically placed rhetoric or just plain crap - something which newer generations of seekers seem to fail to appreciate ... its takes knowledge to effectively find knowledge.

Saying that, I have learnt much from all the varied opinions and enjoy extracting the commonalities.

Of course it has affected my personal opinion of people in general - and I have learnt that what is written electronically is often very differently conveyed when spoken face to face.

No one can really say they 'always knew they were pagan'. A child of a pagan is no more a pagan then a child of a postman is a member of the postal union. Your not a pagan till you have basicly understood what a pagan is, until then at best your just jumping on a bandwagon.

Its like saying a male child who's mother has dressed him in dress is a transvestite.

No. As with all religions or beliefs, you can be told you are X, you can be brought up as X but that does not make you X, you only become X when you choose to be X.

*X - insert religion of path of choice here.

I didnt know what a Pagan was when i was very young!
But my parents took me to all the Ancient Sites of Cornwall in my pram, then we walked to them too when I could walk!
The first person to tell me I was a bit Witchy was another Pagan at my first Moot aged about 23!
I still dont consider myself a Witch!
Did I always know i was different? yes!
People told me I was a bit Weird from an early age!
Going on line has made no difference what so ever! I was Pagan long before going on line! meeting other Pagans at Moots, just reassured me I wasnt barking mad! or if I was, I wasnt alone!

My family did their best to make a good christian out of me, but my intuition led me to see what they tried to teach me from a different perspective than theirs. So from that point of view, being pagan was something that grew and developed as grew up. Certainly from mid-teens onward, when I finally graduated from the children's to the adult section of the library, and had a frame of reference and a name for what I instinctively believed.

I began formal training in Wicca when I was 20, turned my back on it (or tried to) a couple of years later, and practiced as a solitary eclectic for a number of years after.

Since I've only been online for 2 years, my online experience has been a fraction of my practical experience. Still, I have learned from it, and even if I hadn't, the people I've met have been mostly wonderful, wise, caring folks, with the odd eedjit and a***hole, just like everywhere else. My online experience certainly hasn't changed my views on my beliefs, but have on occasions broadened my understanding of my own and other people's.

I discovered what the word and connotations of the word "pagan" was when I was about 10. And at last discovered the word to describe my beliefs. Till then I didn't know what it was called. It was just called "being me". Or "weird". "Away with the faeries". Or whatever you want to call it.

I didnt know either. I was bought up in a very strictly Christian household. My Father is an Anglican Priest of the hell fire and damnation type. As a result of being a tad strange I was frequently having the devil knocked out of me, so it was a long long time before I understood what was what.

It was meeting my husbad that opened my eyes. He had been pagan all his life and when he saw me he thought he could see something in me (as I said earlier) but it was years until I knew that. He would never have mentioned the "W" word around me because to me they were all things evil

What I didnt know is the "stuff" I did could only be described as Witchcraft, although its still a term I have problems with, though these days for reasons other than that of my childhood beliefs. But it seems its the only label which fits adequately when people ask.

I had finally come to terms with who/what I was when my hubby went to Kosovo leaving me at home with the kids for company and a computer and so I went looking for "my own kind".

I sometimes wonder if it was worth it. I have met some beautiful people on line, but as Woozle said, I've met far too many of the other kind too and certainly for the first couple of years all that meeting my own kind did was fill me with doubts.

Its not been an easy 10 (when I first turned that bloody machine on) years really. But at least I know now what I'm not

No, I didn't always know. In fact I didn't give paganism a second thought. My parents were Christian (mum) and atheist (dad) which is a curious mix but religion was never forced.

Coming online has been been a mixture of useful and humorous - it's been useful in meeting other heathens where I wouldn't have done and also for giving and receiving information which would not necessarily have been easily available. It's also been useful in seeing other points of view - and sometimes this is where the humorous side comes in. I don't agree with all views expressed and some of the beliefs I've come across have certainly made of old eyebrows raise (a la Roger Moore) and made me laugh.

People expressing differences in opinion is a healthy thing and a little doubt does no harm if it makes you assess your beliefs, I think.

I knew I was a bit 'different' from an early age together with other females on my mum's side of the family! I certainly wasn't aware of the term 'pagan' and nor were they . We just saw ourselves a group of people with varying levels of psychic ability which made for entertaining discussion round the dinner table!

I wasn't until I met a real-life pagan who seemed to have an awful lot in common with me that I thought-'I wonder if that's what I am?'. I started reading/digging around for info and came to the conclusion that I was. I haven't defined myself any further than that though. Spirits/gods/goddesses I've encountered have been an interesting mix of Germanic, Celtic and Roman but considering where I come from and where I live now that is not too surprising.

Like Wulfric, I didn't always know. Had I been aware there were pagans thirty years ago, I would probably have ended up there, rather than searching other religions for years. Eventually, as part of something else entirely, I did some research on paganism, found there were modern pagans, and realised "Oh, right - so that's where I'm supposed to be! Only took 30 years.

Still, I learned a great deal from the religions I was part of during that time.

I could give or take the magic. For me, it isn't essential. When I first tried it, it came so naturally (an extension of techniques learned from other religions) I didn't question it, but it's still not essential; just a part of me.

As for 'being different', the path I was trained on as a Christian made me realise very few shared that, and that it crossed religions, so I encountered the same knowledge in people of other religions, including a Satanist. Sometimes I even find pagans with it.

My experience is really close to yours Pomona and you put it so well !

I didn't really find out about Paganism or rather Wicca which was the first thing I came across until I was 18, but I did things as a kid that I would now view as Pagan: carrying a picture of Odin about, having "special" trees and stones that I would visit, dipping things into stream and rivers to "bless" them and making daisy chains and flower boats to float downstream, taking note of the moon more than other kids chanting etc. I was a pretty wierd kid and had a bad time as a teen whose parents wanted a jolly hockey sticks popular type . I wish someone had come along and said "What you are, my lovely, is a Pagan"

Going on line has been good for me. I've only really been active here and on Pagan Activist. I've met some lovely people and had some very good advice so no complaints here

I didn't always know and I'm glad I didn't, because it's been a wonderful journey of self-discovery down the years.

I've made some wonderful people/friends both on/off line.

Oh dear..I haven't "made"any people at all..........I've met them though.

I think you know what I meant.

Did I always know I was Pagan ? Now I come to think about it it's kinda hard to say yes, or no.

I knew from when I first went to school that what was perfectly normal within my home wasnt normal for all the other kids, but that oddness also included having asthma, and being able to spell the word shoe at 4 years old.

I do remember mum hurriedly teaching me the lords prayer the day before I started school so I wouldnt be totally adrift in assembly - lol.

I cant remember when I first became aware of the word Pagan, it must have been via a book as mum had lots of books on various things esoteric and religion, but I was always aware that she was a witch and realised as a young teen that I was 'cast from the same mould' as my mum. But I never really considered any of this stuff as it was just normal for me, apart from not openly talking about it to anyone outside the house - not even friends, although they all knew we were 'different' to their families. The friends from school that I have since talked to about it showed absolutely no surprise to learn I am openly pagan.

Online ? Well, I first decided to seek out like minded folk via pagan dawn just after my divorce in 97 and met a couple of really nice people, but I was so used to not revealing, it was very much a quest for me to see what they did, and what they knew and how it compared to my own knowledge and stuff I did, and this picture of things being much more elaborate began to emerge.

But when I came online - ye gods !! Apparently I should have had an athame to use. A what ??? Oh - a kind of knife. But why would I want a special kind of knife with a name I dont know how to pronounce ? Hmmmm..........and so it got me thinking for a while that I wasnt actually what I was, which was hideous to have that much self doubt.

It was a while before I ventured onto any forums, but I read extensively online looking up names and aspects of paganism and witchcraft that I already knew about to see what info was available, exploring stuff in more detail beyond the books I had been able to get hold of, and seeing all this...............crap being spouted about what I should or should not be doing.

Once I ventured onto the forums, mainly USA ones that have now sadly folded (UKP was the first British site I joined must be a good 8 years ago now coz it was before I moved house) I had loads of questions about the different paths - and all these people to ask, and it was great. I met loads of really great people.

Its sad really that the people I have come across online that have caused trouble are British, there was none of the snarking on the USA sites. And the USA crowd I spoke to alot were all quite down to earth, but none of them had a problem with putting forward ideas and experiences that would have them stamped on and beheaded by people on UK sites for not being 'realistic' or 'educated' enough. I enjoyed that element of free thinking and free posting, of tossing ideas and thoughts around. It was sometimes hilarious too.

Going online made me realise there was alot I didnt know, but by the same token that there was an awful alot that I did, and maybe more importantly, there was alot I understood and did instinctively. I just hadnt had a set 'name' for it before. I think thats why I have so much of a problem with terminology, you know - I get very frustrated when commonly used terms just dont seem to 'fit'.

And as to where I 'fit' into the grand scheme of things - I am definitely a pagan, I am most definitely a witch, but I am bogstandard, not extraordinary in any way, I follow no tradition, and the longer I am online, hell, the longer I am alive, the more I come to value that.

*shakes head*

No, cant say I always knew I was pagan at all... Im not even sure I know it now!

I always knew I was different tho. Always. And I have been working magick since I was wee. Although I dont think I knew that what I was doing at the time... I've always seen things a little differently to others too but actually didnt know this till I was about 16. ( I mean literally seen, not perception )

So yeah. All my life I have known there was something about me that wasnt the same as others but I didnt link being a Witch to paganisim till I was in my 20's.

It wasn't until I was in my mid teens and my dad once said I was pagan, that I began to understand. I remember telling him I wasn't and then going off and reading all about it, and yeah it clicked with me.

Did I always know I was Pagan?

Only with the benefit of hindsight, so, only retrospectively. Prior to aquiring the language to describe my beliefs, I was just 'odd'.

I knew I 'wasn't' any of the of spiritual paths that I'd walked and it wasn't until I got into Paganism, that I felt that I'd come home.

As to on-line Pagan forums. I thik they've mostly been useful. A couple of times I'v been really upset by a thread. But I go away, rather than picking at the hurt like a scab.

It's a diverse bunch, and you do get the occasional ego, but I think the trick is to take what's useful and disregard the rest. If someone's definition of a 'witch' upsets you, don't use that definition. If someone else's des use that, and explore it some more with someone you've found some comon ground with.

Q

Nope. Spent most of my youth sitting in the garden or fields or other green places picking up and 'chatting with' (for want of a better term) random wildlife and generally being a bit odd. Bounced around all the usual Eastern stuff for a few years and then got hijacked by Himself while trying to meditate... Still not sure what I actually am...

As with moongazer, I also had a fairly abnormal talent for language that was 'compensated for', I suppose, by asthma and an inability to vault things.

Tell me about it and just because you havent read a whole library full of books on the subject or because the "work" you did, you didnt refer to as spells then of course you weren't a witch either.

But the longer I'm around these judgemental morons the more I'm beginning to think my definition of witch is entirely different to what most "real" witches believe.

I tried so bloody hard to do what was considered right, though for the life of me I dont know why. As you say self doubt probably, especially when met by people who claimed hereditary status or who had the equivalent to a degree in "pagan studies". I was filled with it.

Took me quite a while to realise that if it aint broke dont fix it and anyway who says they are right eh? Themselves mostly.


Snap again. I found the most brilliant MSN chatroom which had a site attached to it. I was eventually made a "manager" there and believe it or not it is still running but as dead as a dodo.


and again. Whatsmore I was astounded to find out that some of the words I had been taught by a couple of my old mentors were deemed fluffy. I did some study with a lady (years and years ago now) who had lived with the Lakota and so you can imagine how shocked she might have been to be told her wording was sooooooo "love and light" PMSL!!!!

Whats funnier is these very same people who criticised me could be found elsewhere blessing people and merry meeting them


Hell yeah!!!

I had an early vision of the Goddess, wrapped up in Catholic imagery, as I was brought up catholic. However, at about the age of 6 we studied Rome and the Roman Gods so I did try praying to them as the Catholic one never seemed to answer. I refused confirmation as I knew catholocism wasn't for me - I was the only person in years to do so, my parents were called in by the headmistress, but mum let me stick to my guns. Then around the age of 14/15 I went to Birmingham library and somehow ended up reading books about paganism (not witchcraft) and realised there were other people like me out there. We had a couple of shops at the time in Brum, and a couple of years later I ventured into Turtles, owned by Kate Westwood, and bought a couple of magazines and bought The Spiral Dance from a central bookshop and The Crone's Book of Wisdom from a small shop owned by the TV witch Beth Gurovitch. I also contacted local pagans when I lived in Nottingham. However, I didn't have the confidence to meet strangers so didn't do anything until the internet came into being. I think it must have been about 1998 that I got back on line and the first thing I did was look for other pagans. so yes, I always knew I was pagan, but it wasn't until I was 14/15 that I found out that what I was was called pagan.

bb
Rhiannon

Dangerous!



I always knew I wasn't like the rest of my family, but when I was wee, paganism did not have the same grasp on us that it does now. Sure, there were pagans in the 70s, but not in the public eye, and probably not in the small village between York and Leeds that I grew up in. However, growing up in a small village nurtured my paganistic leanings. Then, when I got into tarot and runes in my teens it just felt right to go a little further.

I certainly didn't think of myself as a witch until much, much later. I think it was just something I fell into as a result of being pagan for so long.


It has certainly contributed in changing my mind. The fact that a considerable percentage of online pagans are self publicising, self centred, self aggrandising meanies has put me off pagan paths. Identifying myself as a witch came more from what I myself think a witch is, but it tends to mesh with online definitions. Being online has also put me right off other paths (I never knew the Norse paths were so right wing till I got online. I had always enjoyed reading about them, and if I had stayed pagan I would have liked my path to have been Northern Tradition).


Yes, but we still love you.

very interesting thread.....

my grandparents were what would be called Pagan nowdays, they followed the 'old ways', herbalism and 'country ways' and from very early childhood I can remember some of their minor rituals - for some reason my mum turned to christianity but fortunately didnt force her ideas on my sister and myself and we were allowed to explore religion in our own way and in our own time. I was always thought of as 'a bit different' 'weird' or a 'rebel'!

by the time I was 9 or 10 I was seriously challenging the Christian ideals and by the time I was in my early teens had started to seriously explore other beliefs, I too flirted with Buddhism and Taoism but my sticking point was always gods, I simply havent found a belief in one yet - I'm lucky enough to have several spirit guides both human and animal but no god or goddess yet - I cant remember my grandparents ever mentioning gods or goddesses either but of course they may simply have been respecting my mother's ideals.

My pagan beliefs strongly revolve around nature and I think probably the nearest label would be Animism - although I do seem to have inherited via the female line the ability to 'see', send healing vibes and work with herbs so does that attract the label witch or green witch? Ive never liked labels, so I'm just me with lots of pagan type values at heart

Well i knew i was differant lol. It wasnt till i came online many years ago that i found others who thought the same way as me and discovered the word pagan.

No I didn't. I was just an average bloke drifting merrily along, until a few years ago when a chance meeting set me thinking about what I believed. After a couple of false starts I came across paganism and parts of it fitted in with what was in my head.

As for the internet thing, I'll admit to coming across a few loons from time to time, but on the whole it's been a positive thing. The 1st site I came across was the old UKP, which has been my home on the net ever since. I've strayed onto other sites from time to time, but never seem to stay long as they don't feel right. It's also brought me into contact with pagans in Real Life™ and they have been surprisingly normal (with the odd exception )