Ok, im confused about my path. I tried to look at past events to see if that helped, but im not sure it did...

I first "discovered" witchcraft/ wicca when i was about 17, flicking through a copy of Teresa Moorey's "Beginners Guide to Witchcraft" in our local bookshop. I ended up buying that book and hiding it under my bed, reading for hours, fascinated. I bought more books, sadly most of those were written by a certain author who isnt very highly regarded and has a name consisting of a precious metal, a bird and a doglike wild mammal. I practiced solitary witchcraft, and was pretty happy with where things were going.

When i met my ex husband, who happened to also be completely messed up, he told me that he too was a pagan, and had "sensed" my "power" when he first met me. Over the 5 years i was with him he turned a religion i loved into something out of a badly-written fantasy novel. Nonsense about ancient curses, joining powers and being able to track and "destroy" someone without even being able to see them or even share a postcode with them. I backed away a little, eschewing wicca for a more Druidic path initially, then eventually i backed away altogether. I felt that maybe the whole thing had just been a teenage fallacy and now it was time to "grow up".

Anyway, i spent the next few years in a religious void. I tried being atheist, agnostic, Christian and even Buddhist, but nothing felt "right".

Over the last 6 months, though, i could feel the old "pull" again. I started reading a few tentative things, thinking about maybe giving it a try again, and eventually decided to return to paganism, particularly to witchcraft. What i found upon my return scared me a little though... wicca wasnt exactly very highly regarded 10 years ago, but now i feel like im doing the wrong thing. Thing is, solitary wicca/ witchcraft is all that has ever felt right for me. If that is now not considered a "valid" path, i dont know what i would do. I know that i dont want to join a coven, my experiences with my ex have put me off ever working in a group, i have no problem talking about paganism with folk, but i dont think i could ever trust other individuals in that kind of setting.

So now im stuck, freaked out and dont know what to do. I dont know what to read, what information is "ok" to read, and what is "not ok", if that makes sense?

Any advice? Sorry this got rambly...

OK, take a deeeeeep breath

Wicc and Witchcraft are not one in the same. Wicca (which admittedly I dont know a huge amoun on) is one path which incorporates magick.
Witchcraft is the practice of making spells, potions etc and using magick. BUT, you can be of various pagan paths and practice witchcraft.

I am a solitary witch, although having had a baby recently, its been a while since I practiced. BUt I"m NOT a wiccan. Probably would most likely describe myself as a hedgewitch.

There are no right and wrong books to read, but if you have an interst in a certain area and need some recommendations, try looking through the book section here.

What do you feel drawn to? If its the solitary path, then thats fine. if you feel drawn to working with others, thats cool too. Do what feels right for you. And what feels right one day, may not be what you want another, and guess what? That's fine too

Feel free to PM me if you want to know more about my practices etc. and I"m sure others on here would be able to inform you better about Wicca if tahts where your interst lies. Read, search the net, on here and ask. Best thing to do, is just kick back, realx and let it happen,. Your path is your own.

Tree xx

Wise words from the wise Treehugger

Don't freak hun, you're already on your path, you're you and you don't need to follow anything or anyone. What Tree says about thinking about what draws you most and starting there, is absolutely sound. Myths? Herbs? Wildlife? Folklore? There's lots to choose and, as (Lorelei?) said on another thread: there's no template for being Pagan, so make it what you want to be.

I think it is so sad how some so called intellectual Pagans, especially in the UK, have talked down Wicca over the last few years. Wicca is the only religion to have come out of Britain in the last 2000 years, we should be proud of it!

It has a firm and logical duotheist theology, a positive set of ethics which are consistent and based on liberty and non-harm rather than taboo as most other religions are.

It rituals and coven structure can give rise to a sense of community and intense powerful sacrality that I personally haven't experienced with any other type of group.

Wicca has had its problems, it has attracted cranks and eccentrics, provided a refuge to those who would knowingly pedal hogwash, but to completely disregard it is a huge over-reaction.

IMO it is awaiting a resurgence, the writings of Ronald Hutton have helped. Wiccans must ruthlessly throw out the hogwash without fear, because what will be left is wonderful and well worth consideration as a serious religious movement.

You stick to your guns. Engage the critical mind, switch on the bullshit detector, but don't let the armchair Pagans put you off something precious.

Actually Corwen, I wasn't having a go at Wicca, if thats' what you thought.

I dont have any issue with it at all.

Plus, I"m not an armchair pagan, as anyone who knows me can testify.

Tree

PS POmona, think thats the only time anyone has called me wise.....I like it!!!

Wise..............Tree the Wise........oh yes, has a ring to it

Corwen, you might find this thread interesting

BTW - what IS an "armchair pagan"? And what's wrong with being one?

Heh. I don't see the need to feel proud of someone inventing a religion. That's not to say I don't admire Gardner's ability to do so.



Ah, there I disagree. But then. that's why I left Wicca. Having joined it from a religion with a cohesive theology and set of ethics, regretfully I found Wicca too incoherent. But that was just for me. I admire very many of the Wiccans I know, who have taken the religion and made it beautiful for themselves and others.



Now that's a real shame. I hope you encounter some other pagan groups - as I have - that can offer the same experience. I think it helps to appreciate how wide and deep the variety can be across the various paths of the pagan communities.



Is it? I have to say that I'm not aware it needed one. I had the impression it was doing very well - even if most covens stay away from the limelight and the sort of books sold in Waterstones.

hmmm
As has been said already Wicca and witchcraft are not interchangeable. But you havent said what its is that interests you in regard to either or both.

If it was the purely religious aspects, then perhaps you you seek the guidance of some wiccans, we have a couple here who are loverly wuberly people

But if it's the craft, then honestly you can be a witch without all the pomp. Or you can have as much as you might wish to incorporate into your practises.

Here's the thing. You can read anything, absolutely anything you want to. You'll learn from it all, even if all you learn is 'well I reckon that's bollocks'. If wicca is what appeals to you, be wiccan. If official Wicca, with covens and degrees and so on isn't what appeals to you, it's not compulsory but don't write off a whole area based on one bad experience. Never, ever, ever concern yourself with what people think of what you want to do - there will always people who disapprove of what you do but life is way too short to spend it denying yourself for the sake of other's approval.

I wasn't thinking anything about what you had said, I was just answering Kahlan!

I certainly wasn't accusing you of being an armchair pagan, I have no idea what sort of Pagan you are!

Pomona, I think that thread just demonstrates how many people there are who get off on knocking things. An armchair Pagan is someone who talks about things without doing them, or really being integrated into any actual physical community of people. Maybe they spend too much time on the internet!

Moonhunter, after so long in the Pagan scene I have been a member of almost every type of group except a Heathen Hearth. Wiccan covens have characteristics that are unique among pagan groups, they are generally private, closed, intimate, made up of people whose beliefs are very similar. Wiccan coven members, because of the frequency of meetings and the repetition generally know the 'liturgy' very well and are extremely skilled both in the 'theatre' of ritual and the energetic side of it. This combination might arise in other types of Pagan group, but I haven't encountered it so I think it must be quite rare.

Is that my name I hear being dropped

Pomona is right, I did say that and fully believe it too. There's no template for this and as Treehugger wisely said you can be a witch without following wicca

My strongpoint is booksmart wicca so if you want info I can tell you loads but unless you feel its right then information is worthless. As others have said, follow your heart =] and if you go wrong we're all here to help and you'll learn from it. All you really need to know is your oppinion x

Corwen, I appreciate you clarifying that, but I think you have to be careful how you put things. What you said, perhaps came across in an unintened but hostile manner.

Also, not all pagans can get out and about, hence why they spend time with online communties. FOr many, it's their only opportunity to be part of a group, but that, IMO, does not diminish their pagan experience etc.

You mentioned people knocking things, but thast exactly what you are managing to do here. Think of those who are housebound for example. Does this make them less pagan somehow?

And as Pomona said, there are many different pagan groups who have just as strong and cohesive a community feel as the Wiccan groups you have experienced.
It's all about personal experience. Not every heathen group for example, will be good, not every Wiccan group will be either. It's about the people etc

So, dont knock people for knocking things, when you're knocking things yourself. SO there! lol

That seems to say it all for me. If that is what feels right don't let anyone tell you otherwise (that's not to say you can't change your mind though ).

I do know the nature of Wiccan covens, Corwen. I was an initiated Gardnerian. My comments are written in the light of my experience.

Thank you guys

I think the thing i was doing was exercising my greatest ability: the ability to overthink EVERYTHING lol. After writing this, i went away and did some soul-searching, that somehow ended in me performing a ritual that night (a friend is in a LD relationship and i'd offered just to pray for strength for her, somehow that would up being a "circle and all" ritual). I told myself i'd know after that ritual, and i did know. I felt like a part of me that was missing for years had finally been replaced, i literally couldnt stop smiling.

Rook, i may take you up on the "picking your brains" thing, if thats ok? Im still not very knowledgeable about all this stuff, and talking to people who do know about it is always valuable in my book

Again, thank you sooo much to everybody who replied, there are some very wise words in there!