A couple of the other recent threads got me thinking about the whole sex issue, and I wanted to pick other people's brains .

Thinking about it, my attitudes towards sex (purely for me - not attitudes towards what other people do) have changed over the past couple of years...a similar sort of time to when I started considering myself as pagan. Whether the two are connected or just coincidence I don't know, but it seems to me that having a pagan mind-set has changed my views about sex a wee bit.

These days, I think of sex as being something really special...I don't mean by that that I would only have it with someone I was deeply in love with and committed to. I mean that I wouldn't just do it for the sake of it and that there would have to be a real connection there. That doesn't necessarily mean a connection based on knowing someone for a long time - you can click with someone right away...it's just for me, at this moment in time, it would have to be more than just physical.

Also, in conversation with a couple of people I mentioned how making love can sort of take you away somewhere else. They completely didn't get what I was on about, but I reckon someone on here must! I have heard of people using sex as a way to do this, in a similar way to drumming or chanting, but as I've never done those, I'm not sure if it is the same or not. I can't really explain the feeling apart from maybe connecting to something higher - lucky I can't be shot for being fluffy in the snug .

So, whaddya reckon?

That's fluffy is it? Don't think so myself. Hmmm, how of myself do I want to let out here....? Sod it, see where it goes. Over the last year or so my own attitudes have changed, quite radically really. Sex has gone from something to be avoided at all costs, that wasn't much a part of my life at all to something, would you believe, I rather enjoy. How stupid does that sound? Eh.... I mean with my husband I didn't want it, not at all and thought it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me. It's a main reason I stayed as long as I did, I really thought he was terribly good to put up with me and I wouldn't ever find someone else who would. Can you imagine how it felt to begin a pagan path and have an aversion to sex? I thought I must be going the wrong way. Since leaving, I've discovered that it wasn't me at all, it was just a very unhealthy relationship and Hooray! I'm quite normal afterall. I do see it as something special, I guess on a level I always have, my husband had been my only partner and my freedom didn't leave me bedhopping although I could have if I'd wanted to. No, it's a connection when done right, a bond. There's nothing else in the whole world but the two of you when it's right. Shut up Esk. I wouldn't use sex to create working though, I know plenty of people do but for me it's a no, call me a bit strange if you like but now I've finally found what making love means I wouldn't want to keep a bit of me back in order to work, that would feel like a betrayal of the man I love so. Waffle waffle.

I think this belongs in General Paganism you know...

I would still do it just for the sake of it. Nice.
And yes, using sex to reach a "higher level" (hrmm...right...) is called tantra

A cynical and premenstrual
Deerheart

I think the biggest difference between sexual attitudes of paganism as opposed to monotheism is the absence of guilt. Its natural to be a sexual being. It always was natural to be a sexual being.

Just because Jesus didn't find a soul mate before he died (OR DID HE?, "Da Vinci Code") the Christain world thinks they have to be celebate.

In seriousness, yes, I agree with you, Pebble, and I have noticed alot more supportive and strong relationships in the pagan community too.

Blessings

My attitude has towards sex has changed over the past 4 or 5 months, previously I saw it as something that would not happen for me as I would never find that special someone. I have always considered it something only to be shared with someone special with whom there is that connection.

Storm Raven

If I was going to use sexual energy in a working, I would acheive that state through a bit of DIY, so to speak. It's easier, quicker, and can be done when my non-pagan partner isn't around. I wouldn't involve him in sex magic without his knowledge, as it wouldn't be fair, and to be honest I would much rather concentrate on the sex

I wouldn't use sex magic either, I would prefer to spend the time and energy ensuring that my partner gained maximum enjoyment out of the love making.

Storm Raven

Pebble; the last two paragraphs of your intro post in this thread describe my approach and feelings entirely.

The only difference is that although I've tried other approaches, the sexual approch that you describe has really always been my approach and even with the benefit of experience and time, for me, this approach has only been confirmed and vindicated.

I have used sexual energy for a working, on my own, but would if the circumstances were appropriate, "use" the energy raised during sex with my partner. But only with his consent and understanding of what was happening. And of course, that would only be if that particular act of sex was for a working purpose and not for pleasure! Then it's making love, and always will be.

I have had sex for sex' sake, and jolly good it was too, to be honest, but the pleasure is intensified considerably IMO, when there is an emotional connection too.

Must be the time of year...
Get moments when i feel yes i would like to,but it passes.And to be honest dont want to for the sake of it.
Rather wait and see and be with someone special,if you see what i mean.
As far as magic goes,i'd make an ideal sacrifice.

Morrigan, it is well worth the wait, believe me, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world, you never forget that first time if it's with that someone special.

Storm Raven

well yes for me sex is special..well i try to make it..I hate sex when my bf is drunk..it just isnt the same "connection" as when sober.
I know if am really upset and i end up "making love" with my bf it does make me feel better.
Being someone whos NEVER had an orgasm during sex, for me its all about the closeness...its really hard to explain.
I'm not really into "sex" right now....am more a "making love" girl (we all know the difference yeh??)

I kinda lost my sex drive about a year ago, so if anyone sees it could you send it back to me? I've found many excuses/reasons for it happening, but the reason is probably simply that I've got settled in a relationship that doesn't 'spark' much anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces and it mutual, but it's all a bit too comfortable at the moment.

I've never used sex - on my own or with someone else - as a means of magic. I find keeping concentration quite difficult, so it probably wouldn't end up being too effective.

Having sex with someone who's drunk/stoned/pilling when you are completely sober never feels right. It just feels like you're in such different places that it's not really happening. Even when you're both intoxicated, but on different substances it's not quite right.

Didn't know if I came across in my post as though it was a deliberate thing, but I've never set out to achieve that feeling - don't know whether to call it a connection or raising energy or what - it's just happened. That's why I found it so wierd when I was talking to my friends that it didn't just happen to everyone.

I've only ever been the only one of the pair to feel it I think (hmm guess I shouldn't shout about that ) but I can only imagine it would be amazing if both of you did.

Can't see how it means you would be concentrating less on the sex though to achieve it, because isn't it just something that sometimes happens while you are concentrating on the sex? I realise that some people could make themselves achieve that state at will, but I'm on about when it just happens...

Ok, I've rambled about sex FAR too much now...forgot I'm going to have to face some of you people soon!

Oh - and Fuzi - it just went running past my house looking at a map, so hopefully it's on its way back

I think every-one else has my share.
The only driving i do is in a car and that i'm learning.
Right before i get really depressed,i shall change subject and will be one of those at Scarborough.
Shall i take purple set or green dress or both. Hmmm,gone completely off subject..

Both. Dressing up is VERY much part of it.

*sigh* - wish I was going.

I love sex with my bf but still have issues which I am working through. I do not experience what you describe as I have difficlty letting ago. I have had panic attacks and pulled / pushed away, I still have to tell myself I am safe on occasion this is because of my past issues. I recently wen t to the GP who referred me to a link worker but they said as I had pulled myself out of the deep depression myself they couldn't help. All they could suggest was going to one that £19 a week, which I cannot afford.

Sorry bit of a downer.

Fuzi I know what you mean about being sober when the other half isn't for whatever reason, totally different wavelengths then!

I think that our sexual response to a partner changes quite a lot with time.

With a new partner; there's the build up in a relationship, the point where you both know that your going to end up in bed together and the anticipation of it, finding the right moment and not wasting it.

Then there's the sheer exitement of exploring each others bodies for the first time.

The exitement of playing with a new toy but a really great one.

The initial exitement doesn't stay at that level indefinately though, six months, twelve months, a year maybe and then something else far more important takes over. A confirmation of the realtionship maybe which takes sex to a far deeper level.

Even when the initial exitement's faded a little, sex can still continue to get better as you learn each others needs and begin to play each others bodies more like a concert pianist and less like that old bloke in the pub with the flat cap, arthritic fingers and a honkytonk piano.

Sex is an important part of developing a relationship. I guess that's why casual sex doesn't compare, for me, to sex in a good relationship, there's just to much missing. Casual sex is like going out for a nice meal and only having a chocolate eclaire. It's only a very small part of what for me needs to be a part of a more rounded experience.

It's pretty damned nice anyway isn't it?

well as a 40 year old virgin I suppose I should really comment on this - given my qualifications in the area of not having any.

Firstly - why am I still 'pure'? (and no, its not coz I have a unicorn as a power animal )
Simply it comes down to not actually having the opportunity to 'do it' with someone who I wanted. There have been times when I have had the chance - but have not fancied the offer ( ) and times when I have wanted to but the other half has not been interested ( ).

So how do I feel about it? - I know the mechanics (heck I do practice a fertility religion ), come to think about it I know the mechanics for asexual, bisexual, hermaphroditic, animal and vegetable, so I am fully qualified in theory
In truth, I feel no need to rush out and bed anyone, I often joke about being on a path of abstenstion (sp?) but that isn't true. When and if I do it (like I said I don't need to) it will because the time is right, the person is right and the reason is right.
Of course it may never happen - I'm not bothered either way. I don't feel the need to perpetuate my familly name or gene pool (there are plenty others doing that willy nilly), but should it happen I will accept the responsibility for the event (yes I'll post it in me blog ) and any other events 9 months later

As for the fertility aspect of my faith, well because I practice a fertility religion it don't mean that i have to shag someone every full moon. All it really means is that I must understand the principles and apprectiate the cause and effect. This I can do readilly without taking part.

Now I do agree that the act is a means of raising energy and changing the state of conciousness, however when I feel the need I do have access to Mrs Palm and all her daughters and I find that works just as well (its also less awkward when in a circle ) for any working that I feel needs it - and that has been few and far between so far.

Coz... You put a big smile on my face!
Mrs Palm..? Are you having an affair with a spoken for woman..? Want the thrill, eh..? Try her twin instead, miss Palm, for a change. She lives right across Torso Plains. Mind you, she is not as experienced as her sister, but ON THE OTHER HAND that could be quite exciting!

Blessings
Deerheart

Trust a woman to drag the conversation down.I've never understood that either.

I'm currently in absention, like Cos at the moment, or temporarily celibate, momentarily chaste, I'd like to say that this is out of current choice, which in a way it is. The simple fact is; I'm not currently getting any but I'm not currently remotely bothered, I could after all pick up some minger from the pub without more personal cost than half a pint of lager and a bag of pork scratchings but I choose not to, because for me that kind of sex is meaningless.

Sex is really great when it's with the right person for the right reasons, when there's nothing on the stove, it's really no problem either.

It doesn't hurt to take a break sometimes.

I personally have no problem with the idea of casual sex for the sake of getting your end away either. it's just my libido has taken a break for a few months, ever since I was ill with a bad chest infection last year, and now I can even find loving sex to be a bit of a chore at times.

Ok takes a deep breath ....

Firstly sex for sex sake - have done it and had a ball .. I am perhaps odd in that I have enjoyed sex with someone I have no emotional connection with Just feeling good was great, and they felt the same - phew!

Long term relationships - well I've been with Niord nearly ten years and yes we had the breathless excitment in the early days, of exploring together for the first few years! Discovering someone completely does take years as inhibitions might crumble, trust builds and a familiarity takes over. Sometimes familiarity it is said breeds contempt ? for us it has built a comfortable secure and loving sex life - yes we can read each other like a book BUT we make great efforts to keep it fun, unpredictable and listen to what each other need!! That takes work not complacency and We have learnt sometimes that we aint so good at listening and responding as we could be - and have worked on that!

Polyamory - yeah that thing again but its part of my life so you are getting it again -sorry folks! The relationship with my poly partner is rewarding, fun, it has that sizzle that comes with early exploration because it isnt that often we see each other in the flesh as it were - we have a deep abiding friendship laced with fun and frolics! It does not take away from Niord and I as we are life partners, neither of us want to breath without the other BUT we also acknowledge the fact that as humans we dont switch off our connections and attraction to others just cos we are married! Consequently we gave each other the freedom to be openminded, but only with each others consent and in a very limited way ( we aint talking dozens of people here ) Why do I have a relationship with another man? well because hes my best friend, he gives me a warmth and somehow uncomplicated love and connection ; the sex is an expression of that and I would lie if I said it wasnt FAB and FUN! Niord and I are different we are prepared to share of ourselves physically with other people - maybe we are fortunate or unfortunate but it works for us!

Paganism - within pagan circles I found it refreshing that I can be me, that I can express myself and my views and MOSTLY not get leapt on for them . Yeah some label me a morally deficient nympho cos I lead a poly life, but that judgement springs from their own moral codes NOT their paganism.

It is a fertility path and I for one would love to be able to follow the Beltane rites in their original form ie find a corn field and go well celebrate - theres a deep moving power that comes with sex. Yes I have used it solo to raise energy or to ground after ritual - sound odd? well I can get very fired up and sometimes normal grounding doesnt work, so doing ahem that will chill me out and send that energetic maelstrom outwards.
I have also done the Great Rite with my poly partner - not so successful - it was a serious ritual that we planned and we did it all to the letter till the last minute when sadly giggles overcame us In a circle I think Id have done it more formally and kept to the plot

Keeping the focus during sex magick is the problem methinks! I used to do tantra with my ex husband - we managed it quite well but I had deep fundamental issues with not erm releasing ie orgasm at the last minute - so much so that my ex made it a misson NOT to orgasm and as a result it felt somehow incomplete and mechanised to me! Odd eh! Anyone else tried tantra I would be interested in what people felt/ thought?

So thats my take on sex in a nutshell - I am me and for an insight please see my signature

Love the signature Rhi

I am not abstaining from this thread but I really need time to put a good considered reply togther as for Rhiana's previous thread re sex and paganism. So I will but not right now, my pal is coming to take me to the garden centre to buy a water feature for my garden

You know, for a religion with a reputation for being slutty....

well, we're not are we.

I've tried "slutty".....it just isn't me....and I got fed up with buyng Fucidin.

No ... we're a remarkably non-slutty bunch really aren't we....generally.

I started to reply to this last night, but it was so late what I wrote was a pile of dogpoo, so I'll try again.. who knows it might still be dogpoo..but it will be my dogpoo! hehehehe.

I think sex is marvellous. I love the pagan way of celebrating it rather than being ashamed and somehow thinking the act itself is wrong and is merely a tool for procreation!

I really couldn't give a flying codswallop what consenting adults choose to do, whether its recreational sex or deep emotional loving sex. Both are fun and enjoyable. I can't deny there isn't something that little bit extra special about sex with a partner you have a connection with, but at the same time I've had some fantastic recreational sex that just blew my mind. I think its all about personal attitude.

Even recreational sex, the occasion I've indulged (before I was married I hasten to add...) in was emotional, in that moment with that person I loved them, I don't just pick someone out of a line up and think "right you'll do, drop em!" there still has to be some connection there, admittedly usually lust Way I look at it, if I'm going to share something so intimate with a person, I might as well go the whole hog and thoroughly enjoy myself and enjoy the emotions that sex invokes in me. Of course there's been the odd drunken occasion when I've woken up the next morning and thought "Oh shit".

There again, its been a while since I've engaged in recreational sex ... so maybe I need to go and do a wee bit of research first.....

I must fit in somewhere in this whole big pagan fertility thing..

Of course you do Morrigan, and in many ways I envy those first experiences you'll have, there is nothing like it. The awakening of a woman's sexuality is a beautiful thing, when you are ready it will happen sweetheart. Sex I firmly believe, gets better as you age, you are more emotionally mature and its more about the sharing than the act itself, I lost my virginity quite young, and it was fumbling bunch of embarassment!

Your time, I hope, will be wonderous, simply because you and your eventual lover won't be caught in the grasp of adolscent hormones.

Of course you fit in Morrigan.
And I agree with Very - it will be a hell of a lot better for you having waited. My first experience and a few thereafter for different reasons were horrendous experiences and I wish I had waited.
I wasn't a strong enough person then to say no - you should be proud that you have been, I think.

Well I'm just randy.

I spent too much time in the countryside, being jealous of my animals bonking each other all the time!!! Hahaha. But i wasn't so desperate I went out and took the first male I came across! I did wait, but never with the intention of finding 'the one', I think it highly unlikely I will meet him (maybe her? ya never know!) yet, if ever. I just wanted someone suitable who wouldn't be stupid about it. I found a nice lad and it was ok, i knew it wasn't the best sex ever, but i have years to practise!!!! I continued seeing this lad for a while but i was getting seriously bored. Now I've met someone who means more to me and the sex is definately better! Although I like sex for the sake of it, the other kind *is* better. For me anyway.

I don't orgasm during sex, but to me that's not what it's about - I like the closeness, as someone else said, and the whole rounded experience, as someone *else* also said...hehehe, shud start remembering the names of people I'm quoting/copying!


Whitey

Hmm, I have issues with sex, so I've refrained from replying til I had really martialed my thoughts. I have no idea why I have issues and I really don't know how I'm going to just get over them, but here's where I stand.

I've always been highly paranoid about being branded a tart. I was never very attractive as a teenager, always felt no one would be interested me, and I think a lot of my abstinent attitudes came as a sort of defense mechanism. My best friend at primary school was always a bit of a Lolita, dating a 17year old at the age of 12, and by the time we had left (different) school, I'd just got a place at a good university, and she'd just had the baby of a 33 year old divorcé. My mum had always had a very harsh view on teenage pregnancy - not unusually so, just she would certainly expect a girl like me not to "waste her life" that way. And I must say I agree.
When I got to uni and turned 19, so was an adult, it suddenly transpired I'd left my ugly duckling days behind. I met a nice guy, we started going out, and he was my first everything. Kiss, boyfriend, lover. The sex part only started happening a few months into the relationship and I wasn't sure if I loved him per se, I knew I felt a lot for him but by that point I really didn't want to say no anymore. At the heart of it, I'm a bit of a nympho really.
Then we had an accident, many months later. Suddenly, having to go to the chemist and ask for the Morning After pill, I felt like I'd become the slut I had always tried no to be. Luckily it worked but it left me with a 'fear,' best way to describe it. It lead to the most protracted breakup I've ever come across, but I just couldn't bear to have sex with him again. I did and felt awful, because there was no connection there, and for me it was essential that sex was special, between people who loved each other. But that 'moral' attitude causes me to deny a massive side to myself, a highly charged sexual being who has never had sex with anyone but him, and that finshed a good 2 years ago now. After a bit of a fling with a guy I really loved - and I wouldn't let him have full sex with me, although I really rather wanted to, because everything else with that connection was great! - my attitudes have relaxed a little. I'm less fussy about what happens between me and other people, but I'm still terrified of full sex.

This is partly I think because of the connection that is established. I feel like I barely knew my ex until we started having sex together, and the friendship I have with him (as a result, quite possibly) endures very strongly today. I don't want to go around making bonds like that frivilously. But also, I'm gnawing at the furniture because it's been so long!!! Still, I'm not ready to just go and do things with just anybody, after a rather nasty experience over the weekend at a party I know that.

As far as ritual goes, I have and do use a spot of DIY quite regularly (hmm, notes that I have come a long way, I'd never have admitted that a few years ago!). This is because it was one of the first magickal techinques I learned (I came to the Craft via Chaos Magick; you could probably still call me a practitioner now) to acces the Void, as it was termed - the way you just pipe out and the very threads of reality are no longer perceivable, just you and a 'higher' (or more accurately, more infinite ) power/existance and the way you can access that connection and that state, just like chanting or drumming or meditating. I've found it to be extremely effective in workings. But I don't think I'd ever do that with a partner involved, because for me it would ruin the singleness, the perception, the connection - somewhat ironic as sex with a partner is all about connection, but I hope that made sense.

Phew, ok, you can all go about your business now, I'm shutting up!
Bastet x

Oh Bastet, I'm sorry that you feel the way you do about your sexual identity. Other people have made you feel that way because of your friends experience and the need for the morning after pill. Can you use birth control pills? If not, a GP should be able to fit you with a diaphram, which is an excellent form of BC as I used it for years.

As far as myself, I am in the celebate mode now and have been for the past 9 or 10 years, through my choice mostly. I loved my ex-husband very much and had an excellent sex life but we divorced because of his alcoholism and the lies and sleeping around, which ended up giving me one hell of an infection. Ever since I just lost interest and evidently have a low sex drive. Hasn't bothered me though.

Well I have a rather high sex drive, always have.

I don't think I would ever do a working while having sex/making love to my partner. For me sex is too special for both of us and would rather be focusing all my attention on him.

yep high sex drive too - lol is anyone surprised???

Now you see, I would do a sex ritual if with the right person and it was something we'd agreed to try. My hubby didn't seem to mind the idea but as he didnt' really understand the symbolism it seemed a bit pointless.. but hey a festival was always useful for getting the leg over

Stupid question,but how do you know if you're doing it right.
I actually find the prospect sort of scary,not that i donr want to experience it someday,but i feel that i dont have the foggiest idea what to do.
Ok sounds silly.

mmm, there isn't really a wrong way Morrigan. If it feels good to you, then its right for you!

Just let your self feel, try not to be shy and embarassed, open yourself to your lover and see where it takes you.

I think when you get into the situation it'll just happen Morrigan, and if you do what feels right, then that is doing it right.

Have to remind myself of that one day, cos I've pretty much forgotten what to do myself!

It reassures me enormously to hear such a range of attitudes and experiences around sex. I don't believe I have much sex drive at all. I have a definite drive to be with a man, and to kiss and cuddle. But ever since I started to have full intercourse I have had cystitis, and it's always been a question of, can I get excited enough not to notice the pain?

And it's hard work. I never used to get charged up enough to have an orgasm. Since having babies I can manage it maybe once a week, twice a week, usually with a lot of struggle to conjure up images which I find disturbing but are the only ones that arouse me (rape, torture...) And towards the menopause I found I could get aroused without having to try, just once a month. But my husband wants it every day, bless him.

But I KNOW my orgasms are not as powerful as what some other women have. It's like striking a match. It catches, it flares up, and then it dies. You gels out there who get serial bonfires, go for it!

Anyway, this experience leads me to believe that we don't have as much choice in the matter as we would like. If biology gives you rampaging hormones, like, you HAVE to have it six times a day, then of course you will take a different attitude to relationships than if you can barely manage one a week.

Oh I agree Julai Sex is different for everyone,and not everyone is a raving nymphomanic like me! Some like rough sex others don't, some want sex all the time, others aren't really that fussed, if it happens its nice enough, but they are equally happy, and maybe even happier with cuddling and and maybe a bit of petting.

I am quite happy to admit I adore sex, and its important to me, but equally, I don't think there is anything wrong with people who don't give it the importance I do. Sometimes, I do wonder if modern sexuality does maybe put too much emphasis on sex, and give the impression that if you're not screaming the roof down and having multitude orgasms that are turning your insides into jelly, then something is wrong... and that's bollocks. Romance books are full of glorious love making, of the woman reaching orgasm through penetration - the partners reaching climax together.... it rarely happens, and to acheive it often takes a lot of practice and patience.

And to be honest I think some of the best sex I've had, hasn't been themindblowing stuff - which when it happens is great, don't get me wrong yet the best sex was that which was surround by fumbling, giggling and a real sense of closeness, trying out a new position, and it going horribly wrong, and laughing together, the lack of embarassment or shyness with your lover - this all stuff that makes great sex for me personally.

Definitely a horny person me! But saying that, I have a pretty bad self-image due to years of disfiguring excema/weight gain etc.

But being with someone who I have a deeper connection with, makes the sex always amazing, whether its a quickie as I'm getting ready for work, or rushed home for lunch, or a long slow shag on the sofa

I've never been with someone for just a one night stand- well, apart from the guy I lost my virginity to but I never count that one! I've been in relationships that have lasted years- and found that trying different things to excite me doesn't always work. I have a vibrator but don't use it, had love eggs. tried different positions (worked my way through the KarmaSutra and left notes in the margins!) but the thing that really works for me is being in love, completely and totally, head over heels.



My partner is older than me (twice my age if you're wondering) and I love the fact that he is totally in to me, loves pleasuring me, and making sure I orgasm.....wow..... I never used to think of myself as orgasmic really, not as much as i am now! I'd be even hornier if I wasn't working so hard too- it only takes a few days away from work and we're at it three or four times a day again
I don't have to worry about falling pregnant- but I have to take the Pill as i have endometriosis. Sometimes I get pain when we make love and it can make me lose the plot totally, but with someone who loves me, it doesn't matter really in the end.

I think we need to talk about sex more! It's a horrible thing to be ashamed of something so natural and I think sometimes that if it was talked about more openly- including all the horrible side-effects, the cystitis, infections, thrush, STD's, pain, pregnancy, tests and all the rest of it, there might be a few less teenage pregnancies... it's not the be-all and end-all and should just be treated as something ordinary- but emphasise the specialness too.

I don't think it sounds silly. I know exactly what you mean. I used to sit there twiddling my thumbs while my friends used to go on about their sex lives knowing I'd never even been kissed. In fact, when the time came, I was more scared of my first kiss than I was my first, well, because I knew I was with a wonderful guy who I trusted and it felt right. T
he thing that's depressing me so much is that that really awakened my sex drive - it had always been there, I had a reputation for being a flirt and a tease from my mid teens, but it was only after a bit of a fling with a guy I loved very much who didn't really feel the same about me, that I became less scared to act on it. This has only been over the past year, and although I am more aware than ever that I am a highly sexually charged person, but I really don't know what to do about it. I urge for a relationship, but have found no way of fulfilling that, and it's driving me crazy! I worry that I'll do something that I will live to regret - I really feel like I'm two people at times, a very sexually driven one, and a very well behaved, morally upright one that is horrified at what the other one would like to get up to...

Morrigan: Like others have said there is no right or wrong. What eveer makes you happy is the way for you. When you meet the right guy and the time is right you'll know and making mistakes is a good thing if it's the right person your with..me and mine have had a few errors with new positions and as we get to learn each others body and what the other likes/dislikes and if something happens that wasn't expected we end up giggling and moving on...Sometimes accidents can be a blessing as I've discovered postiions I've enjoyed but that wasn't the intended thing. All I can really say is when it happens go with the flow and what feels right for you...enjoy. It's a amazing experience and I like others wish I had waited til I was older before my first time but ce la vie what happens happens and I wouldn't change any of it.

I have a rather odd appetite. I like my sex varied would be the best way to put it. I love the rough sex but also love the gentle sex that is more than just physical joining.

Hiya,
I've read this thread with interest - so much honesty and diverse opinions and experiences is a delight to read.

And I think one of the main differences between pagans and non pagans when it comes to sex and sexuality is the generally more 'grown up' attitude to it that seems to come across - we accept sex as not only natural but having 'significance' - but we are also able to hold a sense of identity if we arent sexually active. Thats come across in this thread, even if some of you might read that and go 'hmmmm - you sure ?'

But one thing that hasnt come up (unintentional pun ) is the way sex and magic can inter relate. What I mean is - instead of thinking about sex during ritual as something you use to raise energy to work magic - how about thinking of the energy you naturally create during sex as the primary, and the magical side as a 'by product'.

I once set out to do a sex magic ritual, we got as far as casting the circle, got nekkid etc, but he found he was uncomfortable with it - which was fine - but I have also had the experience of the sexual experience being so intense - so damned wonderful that at the point of orgasm i released that energy with an intent for something i was going to do a bog standard spell for. it worked a treat - and really fast. That sensation of being somehow 'somewhere else', when somehow time stops while you are consumed with the sex/love/emotion reached a point where i was 'beyond enough' to work magic. it made the whole thing even better.
its not something you could achieve on a regular basis I dont think - that kind of intensity doesnt happen every time - lol.

just thinking how my attitudes to sex have changed as I have gotten older. I may not have the figure I used to - after 2 breast fed kids and a fair amount of weight gain, chance would be a fine thing - but I do have alot more sexual confidence - i know myself and my wants and needs better, and that contributes to better sex.

I didnt lose my virginity til last september, id not long turned 19 and the guy it was with was very sweet and gentle, i thought i was in love with him.by the end of november wed split up having had sex a total of 2 times. I met my current bofriend and slept with him the first night which surprised me but it felt right and i dont regret a thing with him - ive been incredibly addicted to sex/making love now and think its the best thing ever withthe right person

And Morrigan dont worry itll all happen naturally and instinctively, thats what ive found any way

I don't know about natural and instinctive. If your body works for you, and if you don't have hangups about discussing things, then you may be able to rely on nature and instinct.

The first time I married, it was the first real relationship for both of us. We loved each other deeply and we both got a lot out of the physical side. But, but, but - from this distance, and being in a second marriage with a man who is totally expressive and very experienced - I can see the value of the experience he brings. I say something doesn't work for me - he knows it generally does work - he keeps at it, and finally I have to agree, yes, it does work, and hey, I would never have found that out if it hadn't been for him.

~So I would say, don't just rely on nature and instinct. Help it along as much as you can by practising being frank, expressing what you like and what you want, and learning about other people's experience.

I'm must seem awfully boring compared to you lot...
I do hope one day it'll happen, i dont want to be a virgin forever.
I'll have to wait and see what happens and try to get frustrated in the meantime.
Oops try not to i meant..

try to get frustrated?

[quote=morrigan,Feb 2 2005, 04:46 PM]
I'm must seem awfully boring compared to you lot...

No you don't seem boring at all...It'll happen all in good time.