Hi guys

I hope you don't mind me asking but I need your advice....

I've just split up with my boyfriend - long story and I will spare you the details - but I need to be really strong and really brave as we live together and we really just need to take some time apart and sort stuff out. I am generally a really strong person but he means the world to me and this is going to be so tough...... I know I'm not the only person ever to go through this so I just wondered how you coped when a relationship comes to an end? Did your faith help you? Did you do any kind of ritual or spell which just made you feel a bit better - even if it's the sake of doing something to feel as if you've taken back the control?

I'd really appreciate any response.....

fall back on to your Gods or whatever looks over you, they always there for you...well ...most of the time...other than that....get back to nature maybe

then a lot of guinness seems to help!

What makes me pull my socks up, I always think whatever happens to me, theres always someone worse off than me. Well it works for me & I have just lost a parent

Oh hon, I'm so sorry, both my parents are dead, and one of my brothers died too, its incredibly painful, not particularly orginal but my way is to just get on with my life and keep them alive in my memories and heart.


Willow, as you may have read I'm going through a break up with my hubby, I suppose my way of dealing with all this, is thinking firmly ahead and planning what I'll do in the immediate future, in my case, fullfiling a dream to travel around and be a bit of a free spirit - whether I'll actually end up living in the caravan full time is debateable at the moment, but hte thought of that adventure is keeping me going, and helping to stave off the negative atmostphere that encroaches on the house sometimes.

Once the house is sold and I've moved in with a friend for a wee while, I think I'll do a "ritual" something to help me focus on moving on with my life, and for him to do the same too, I havne't really decided the hows of this yet, but I quite like the idea of two figure candles and burning them over a week or so and slowly moving the candles apart to symbolise our parting.

I suppose in part as well the old Verydeadlynightshade persona is appearing, the naughty fun side of me, which once I met my partner I didn't think was appropriate to exhibit any longer, but these days I'm having fun terrorising unsuspecting males in chat with my cheesegrator, and well just flirting. I know it sounds daft, but its just something fun, and is helping to loosen the bounds I have to my husband.

Coming at it from the other side, I was very happy to end my relationship, although it'd had been a long time and it was very scary to be doing it. I made a decision, no craft. Sometimes you have to use what your path has already given you and get through it on your own two feet. No hiding, no crutches, you're a big girl now hold up your head and be strong.

I think that if you feel a spell or a ritual would help, then there's no reason why you shouldn't do it, but it would probably be best if you focused on YOU rather than anything or anyone else

Maybe think about ways to empower yourself and make yourself feel strong and confident- whether it be by carrying a favourite crystal, meditation, lighting a candle, or just treating yourself to something nice- anything that will make you feel good and help you carry your head high

Personally, what i find helps is a bit of good old-fashioned pride and a stiff upper lip; presenting yourself to the world as happy, confident and completely in control. However it is good to have a friend or two to talk things out with as well- you can't put on a front all the time without making yourself unhappy

Well I cope with bereavement exactly the same way as you then.

Willow, try seeing this not as an ending, but a beginning and start concentrating on making you happy instead of concentrating on your partner and worrying about him. It is a loss, but if there is nothing than can repair your relationship, you have to accept it. Life happens to you when you are making other plans as the saying goes but get involved in things you used to like to do.

Living together while breaking up is something I would find very difficult and I'm sure you are seeing that as well. Try finding ways of being apart from each other as often as you can. We all have been there in some way or another and eveybody deals with it in the way that is best for them. Try not to think about your relationship but think about you. Pamper yourself, that helps with your self esteem. Take a long hot bath surrounded by scented candles, try different make-up, buy something just for you. Often in any relationship, there is compromise and making sure your partner is happy that we often neglect ourselves.

You are obviously a strong person, just keep going remember this pain will not last forever, my heart truly goes out to you and I wish you all the emotional strengh in the world.

I would agree with everything said, try to focus on the future maybe planning something postive that you may not have done whilst in a relationship. If you have some good girlie friends try arranging a girlie night or two really pamper yourself and have a good laugh with your friends.

I am so sorry you are going through this Willow, I split from my partner approx 9 months ago, and we still share the flat, although now she is in the process of finding her own place, I can understand how you feel and what you are going through.

Unfortunatly I have no advise to give. My breakup was amicable to the extreame,(her new bloke is now in the flat with us) yes there were tears on both side, and I felt so low when it happened, I was in denial about the fact it was over long before we actualy split. And tried to fool myself into thinking that I still loved her and hopeing things could be worked out. I would say yes my faith has helped me to come to terms with this, but the thing which helped the most was my friends here in the valley. I didn't do a ritual, didnt feel the need in my case, but it may help to as you say regain control of yourself. I meditated on the situation and that helped although due to other things going on (basically depression due to old memories) I found the meditation hard.

This sounds corney but its true, time heals the wounds and hurts of a broken relationship.

Hmm...well when I was at my lowest point I'm afraid I put all pagan 'stuff' aside. I got through it by putting on a very good act in public and then going to bits in private. It wasn't too long before it stopped being an act, and I got myself together again, but I don't think my way of coping is a very good one to be honest.

If I'm really hurting I have to kind of shut myself off from everyone and I guess I took that as far as I could go, but if you're able to ask for strength then I think you should do. But I wouldn't do a ritual for help...you can do it on your own and will grow stronger as a person from knowing that you can do it on your own.

My ceremony: I got my husband's girlfriend to witness as my husband and I took one of our wedding-present dinner plates and together we smashed it in the hearth. the girlfriend was embarrassed but I wanted a clear statement so we all knew where we stood.

~Even though we were all clear that the change had happened, I found the pain was continuous for a while. I remember the first time I managed to focus on something else, watchiing "Cold Comfort Farm" on TV, this might have been about a month after the split. Every time I tried to meditate, grief would come up, so I just kept doing it. I asked how long the pain would last, and got the answer ~"six months", and thought, what? six months of this??? And in fact it was a lot more bearable after six months, and after a year I felt a lot more human.

I became much more aware that life functions in waves. You're going along feeling better, then you feel worse again. It really helps to say to yourself, "This is just a trough, and there's another crest on the way"

And friends are really improtant. If you know someone who has lost someone, socialise with them - make them feel normal for a while. They want to be able to chat and laugh. At least I did.
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