My partner is not any form of Pagan, he was brought up Christian but is now on the more science orientated path. I supposed someone has to be. We frequently have arguments about faith, especially when it comes to healing because he's pre-med.. but anyway.. We were talking about Marriage, as we've been together for a long time and he wants to make our relationship binding. I mean .. it's not like I'm going anywhere. He suggested marriage and I dont know what to think about it. I thought maybe we could get married so he shuts up and then do a handfast to keep me happy.. but I dont know if that's allowed, to do both? And I dont know exactly what it involves. When suggesting this to him, his first reaction was "do you get to eat, It says fasting and I dont like not eating!" Typical male, huh?

Any guidance would be appreciated!

Well its all the fashion in the Royal Family, civil marriage followed by a religious blessing/dedication, so why not ?

If you are thinking of inviting friends to your handfasting, there is an Organisation called Liferites (cue for Google) that has a register of trained persons who could officiate, or a pagan friend could take the priestly role in a ceremony that you two have composed yourselves.

What about self-handfasting ? Each prepare a script setting out your feelings towards your beloved and your future hopes and intentions, then throw the script away and take him into the beautiful Wiltshire countryside on a lovely summer day. Find a quiet spot and holding his hands tell him how you feel, let him get a word in so he can express his feelings and simply bind yourselves to each other for a year and a day.
A soft blanket is often a useful thing to take with you on these occasions, or so I have been told.

And of course handfasting is for a year and a day, so on the anniversary of that special day for the next sixty odd years you will have to take him (not forgetting the blanket) to your special spot so you can renew your dedication to each other.

aaah

dav

It's perfectly possible to have a civil ceremony followed by a handfasting ceremony and in any style you want. The personal handfasting is great, but if you want something bigger and witnessed by friends and family then it takes a little bit more planning. Good celebrants get booked up in advance, as do popular sites, so get those booked first. The celebrant will also be able to advise on the ceremony, site and other matters. Martin (my partner) and I are limiting ourselves to just 10 handfastings next year (7 spots left), and are fully booked for this year.)

We've seen various combinations of civil ceremonies, religious ceremonies and handfastings. One couple did the civil thing on the way to the hairdressers before having a big bash at the Rollrights, followed by a party. Others had a religious CofE ceremony for her family, and then we all ran off into the woods at the local arboretum for the handfasting, followed by a big party in a marquee by the lake at the arboretum. Others have done the civil thing in a posh ceremony as well, so they've had two parties. It depends entirely on what you want.

A handfasting can be entirely secular, or just a little bit religious - there is no set belief structure to stick on it, it's a declaration of love between two people, with symbolism thrown in (the cords and the broomstick). There is no need to have a religious handfasting, for atheists or not sures, or "don't want to upset the granny" events, we have the couple swear their vows or make their declaration before that which they hold sacred. (This can be their gods, their family, each other, the meaning of "sacred" will vary between individuals.)

If you want any further advice give me a shout.

bb
Rhiannon

Thank you both, you've inspired some ideas!

Here you go, the organisation that Dav mentioned, Liferites

They are a fabulous resource for all kinds of info about this and other pagan formal life rites, they can provide an officate to undertake the handfasting or guide you to do your own either from their website or via email, telephone or in person. I was asked last year to be an officate but then the couple changed their minds about when it should take place so still haven't done it.

Remember of course that a handfasting is not legally recognised and has no legal drawbacks or protection unlike a marriage has

Hope this helps some more

Although it is now legal in Scotland if carried out by a registered (Pagan) celebrant.

Bloody hell is it at last? That's fabulous news

But do they count it as for life or the traditional year and a day?

And is it legal to non scottish residents ?

It's a legally binding marriage so would hopefully be life-long

As for being legal to non-Scottish residents, I guess that it's exactly the same as it is for civil/Xtian weddings, various requirements but definitely do-able.

JohnMacIntyre should be able to give more info as I think he was involved in it all.

Hi Pomona,

"JohnMacIntyre should be able to give more info as I think he was involved in it all."

On the 27th of October 2004, The Pagan Federation (Scotland) was formally recognised by the Registrar General as an appropriate body for the nomination of Approved Celebrants to conduct religious marriage ceremonies as set out in the Marriage (Scotland) Act of 1977, which governs all marriages, both civil and religious, in this country. Scottish PF now has about half a dozen Approved Celebrants whose handfastings, or other Pagan marriage rites, now have the same legal standing as any other lawful wedding ceremony.

This means that Pagan couples who wish to marry legally in a Pagan ceremony (the Celebrants cover most Pagan traditions) can now do so in Scotland. You don't have to be resident in Scotland, or even able to pronounce a soft '-ch' properly, and the ceremonies have the same universal recognition as any others conducted under Scots Law or any other national code of laws. Because of that, they have the normal legal duration of 'for life' unless ended by divorce, not the traditional handfasting 'year and a day'.

Unfortunately, the law still restricts legal marriage to heterosexual couples only, so while Scottish PF is happy to provide Celebrants for any Pagan couples handfasting, we regret that this does not carry legal recognition where same-sex couples are concerned. But hope that one day it will!

While I had some minor involvement around the edges, the full credit for the painstaking and meticulous negotiation that brought this about lies with Louise Park, Deputy DM for PF Scotland & Ireland and Co-ordinator of the Scottish PF Celebrants database - whose Celebrants also deal with baby-namings, coming of age rites and funerals as well as handfastings & marriages.

If anyone wishes to inquire further, email:

<enquiries@scottishpf.org>

BB,

John Macintyre

wow amazing stuff

Thanks for the information John

Oooh thank you very much, I have been wondering the ins and outs of this for a while now. And I'm really pleased that Scotland have passed that law. Hopefully the rest of the country will follow suit.

Excellent! And yes, we can only hope.. Or else I may be taking a trip up to Scotland.. Although, I hear it's beautiful. ^.^

Lots of it is, some of it not so much...