My fiance' and i are planning our wedding/handfasting. we have just found our perfect venue in a place called wickhamford manor. Its nice and intimate and only caters for about 2 events of this kind a year wich makes it feel special.

anyway.... i am pagan.. obviously but my wife to be, is C of E and we have decided to have both a church ceremony as normal then a short handfasting ceremony in the afternoon/evening however im not to keen on this going on too long as i dont want people getting board of all the sensible stuff when there is a party to get to.

has any body got any suggetions of short ceremonys suitable for an ecclectic audience bearing in mind it will surprise some people its simply happening.

Or indeed any general suggestion for making the day an interesting one, im all for subtle sybology about in the decor and relevent flowers incense etc etc

bb

bd

First off, congratulations!

As to a handfasting - I take it your CofE wife-to-be is quite happy with that? Good on her if she is, I just can't imagine many Xtians being tolerant enough of paganism to participate in a H/F.

Are you going to have someone performing the H/F - ie, another pagan pal? Or are you going to be doing that bit yourself?

I'd be tempted, like you said, to keep it pretty simple, maybe call the Quarters/Elements if that's something you'd normally do in ritual, and, even though I'm not Wiccan, I'd consider casting a circle, something nice and inclusive for all the guests to feel part of the ceremony. I'd also suggest asking for your gods' blessings, but I'd be wary, to be honest, of the reaction of the other CofE guests who might object. But you'd be able to suss out whether they'd be all right with that if, indeed, that's something you want to do.

Traditional H/F involve tying the knot, literally, so you might want to incorporate that, having yours and your wife's hands tied together with a scarf, cord etc. Also jumping the broomstick - a nice pagany touch that could involve your witnesses holding either end of the broom for you to jump over. You could also consider having mead for the guests to sip and pass to their neighbour around the circle as part of the "feast" part of the ritual.

As for flowers, decor, I guess it depends when you're getting married - I'd just be tempted to go for seasonal stuff.

I don't know if that's any use at all - what I'd suggest would vary from pagan to pagan depending on how they practice.

Too be honest i was sumwhat apprehensive about it all, because i haven't discussed my beliefs with many people althought there is plenty of time before our planned date. It was my fiance' who has pursuaded me that we need ceremonys that will represent both of our paths. she was grateful that i was willing to participate in the church ceremony i guess.

we concidered a seperate ceremony on a different day but we dont want one of us remembering one day more fondly than the other if you know what i mean.

i have read some handfasting books and taken a few notes but what they say seems very set in stone. I guess im just after a bit of confidence to say, "right we'll do it how we/i think its best for us and design the day oursleves rather than get it from books

to answer your question, we do have a friend who is willing to act as the head of the ceremony who i know will be perfect at it even though she admits she's a little nevous at the prospect.

I hadn't put much thought in to the food side of things, i suppose that is a really good way of adding in a seasonal and traditional aspect, the reception is in a marquee so we are pretty much god where everything is concerned really.

maybe a big hog roast or summin?

Go for it. To be honest, go for whatever you both want - it's your day and how you want to mark it is entirely up to you.

I personally don't think there's a "right or wrong way" to be Handfasted, there are some elements that do seem to crop up in most ceremonies (like the binding of hands, the jumping over the broom) and indeed those ones do have some historical basis. When I was handfasted to my b/f, we had no witnesses other than the gods, no binding of hands, no broom, but it was still valid to us. At the end of the day it's entirely up to you - go for it and have fun!

As Pomona says, it really is up to you, so it's your decision how long it goes on for.

You shape the ceremony just as you would a seasonal or full moon ritual - because it's not legally recognised, there's nothing to say you have to include certain things or that you can't include anything in particular.

Yes, design the day yourselves. Go on, it's your day.

To me, there are various elements to ritual, including sounds (music, drums, gongs, chants, intonations), symbolic colours (on garments, flowers, candles) and movement (gesture and dancing) as well as the sharing of food and drink. The funny thing is, all these elements are present at a traditional wedding party anyway. The sharing of a wedding cake full of fruit is such a deeply symbolic thing. Wedding rings are just another way of handfasting. Carrying your bride over the threshold is like jumping over the broomstick. Do you yourself actually use a broomstick in ceremony? I would say, incorporate the things that have meaning to you personally. Surely your guests will be fascinated rather than bored.

Hi bobbydazzler firstly Congratulations

I got married last weekend and my now husband is CoE but we both liked the idea of a garden/backyard wedding. The wedding was at my mothers and we had a celebrant who was more than willing to avoid saying anything "christrian". I was happy for hubby to say vows or have a verse read that was christian related but with all the beautiful poems that have been written about love he had plenty to choose from without needing too

My vows were given too me by a wonderful woman who is helping me with my studies in paganism and they mention "all the divine powers that I hold holy" which to me meant the God and Goddess but I know that my family that it meant their one God. Sneaky but it worked.

I also had subtle little things around including a pentacle windchime in her beautiful ivy covered trellise and her garden has sea shells add too that the colour of the candles we had around and I think I covered all elements.

For me to have held a handfasting ceremony was impossible as my Uncle is a minister (he was a bit dissapointed that he didn't do the service) he actually surprised me afterwards by commenting on the windchimes on how beautiful they were and the sound they made

It was suggested to me that hubby and I have a private little handfasting of our own in a secluded spot that holds meaning to the both of us, it would be very personal and a great opportunity for them to experience the beauty of our beliefs without others around.

Any way I hope you have a beautiful day.


Shardon

I'd keep the weather in mind. The best part of pagan/druid ritual is the use of nature and its enrichment of life.

If you have a good day weatherwise, holding a short ritual outside could be enjoyable for everyone. I was married outside on a beautiful day (not a pagan ceremony though) and everyone loved being out in the sun. If its bad weather, calling the quarters even while indoors can be very powerful and memorable.

Weather references, in action or word, in your handfasting should be ejoyed by everyone and shouldn't be offensive to C of E folk either.

Have a great day! + blessings