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Looking For Advice

Guest ravnos161

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Hi all. I've been a member here for a while but I haven't posted anything before as I've been reading and learning. I'm still very new to Paganism and as such I'm still finding the path that's right for me. From what I've read so far I feel closer to Odinism and the religions of ancient Egypt and the Celts - it makes "sense" to me and i feel comfortable with it, if that makes sense?


I'm a trained first aider at work and ubfortunately an incident occurred where I had to give CPR to someone. They are currently in ICU at the local hospital. I'd just like some advice - is there something anyone can suggest that might help give me some comfort? A lot of the people at the scene are Christian so were praying, and I'd just like to be able to carry out a ritual or read something that can comfort me, or maybe something that could help her and her family in this time. As you can imagine, I'm a bit shocked so any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

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Hi Ravnos


What an experience! I am not surprised that you are shocked.


Draw comfort from the fact that you were there and able to use your skills to save her life.


What are the feelings this experience evoked in you?


What questions did it raise?


Perhaps if we look at those we may be able to find some understanding


At first be still and look to that calm inner point from where you can start.

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Bloody hell hun, what a terrible experience for you. I've been a first aider for many years and have had to deal with some serious incidents, so I can understand the shock and anguish you must be feeling now.


First of all, the mundane, has your organisation offered any counselling or support for you? People tend to overlook the feelings of the people at the scene and my own organisation has a mechanism for supporting people who were involved in traumatic incidents.


Secondly, I imagine you've been replaying it all over and over, you're going to do that, but do remember that you did the very best you could and if it happened again, you wouldn't, couldn't, do anything differently. It's important in these situations to start from a position of you not being in any way at fault.


I don't know if I would recommend any specific ritual as such, I would perhaps meditate and see if any thoughts came to you about what would be appropriate. Sitting still, listening and just being, is a fantastic way to let the "right" answer come to you. You need to be kind to yourself as well, and given your experience, I don't think you want to build up a lot of energy, I think you may well have enough pent up that perhaps something to ground yourself may be the best thing.


In terms of the family, there's nothing wrong in you praying to your gods for the person's recovery. You don't have to be Christian to pray IMO. :)

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Hey babe, I just spoke to Frodo and he told me what happened. :D


From what you told him - you got there as fast as was humanly possible, you kept your head and did everything right ... {{{hugs}}} Well done!


As for a ritual? or something to do... I know you've been looking for something to start with :P


I agree with Pomona that meditation it probably the way to go in this instance. From what I've heard this morning there isn't anything you could have done differently/better, so concentrate on what you did do.

You have a power - you have the power of knowledge, and you used it to help in the very best way you could, while others were standing round helpless.

You gave this woman a chance. From what Frodo said she's in a rough way but at least she now has a chance, without you she and her family would have had nothing.


Things like this make us realise and remember how fragile we (the human race) can be. You're probably contemplating where we go when we die and what happens next .. This might be a good place to progress your studies?


Anyway, .... You know where to find me




P.s. Icecream, of course, is a ritual all on it's own ;)

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For yourself, I'd say any kind of grounding ritual.

For the victim, light and dedicate a candle.


Most people haven't a clue what to do in a case like that. You were on the spot. You provided assistance. It ends there. I've had people drop dead in front of me. Literally, in front of me. Luckily the first aiders were ten feet away. There is a limit to what flesh and blood can do. All I can say is, well done you.

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Thanks so much for your kind words. I know i did everything I could to help her and, after being able to reflect on that for a few hours, that does bring me some comfort.

Obviously I learned first aid so I could help people but you never want to have to use those techniques, especially not CPR.

I'll continue to think of her and hope she pulls through.

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Time is the best comforter. Just give it a bit of time and the shock of the incident will give way to something calmer. From what Twilightdreamer said you did well and have given the poor woman a fighting chance she would not otherwise have had. Not many of us get to give someone a chance of life, so you should feel proud of that at least. And having given the lady a chance, what happens to her now does not reflect on you.


I hope you feel better about this soon, and that the lady pulls through this.



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Just thought I'd update - unfortunately she died over the weekend. I know I did everything I could so I don't feel guilty as I gave her family a chance to say goodbye.


Thought it would be nice if a few people could send thoughts to her family during this time

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So sorry to hear the news. Will send thoughts to her family and your way.


Take care.

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It was evidently her time but you gave her those extra few days so that her family could say goodbye.


Thoughts to you and her family

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I would say "thoughts to you and to her family", but that's all I've been doing since I heard .. .. .. {{{no touchy hugs}}} :)



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I'll PM but thought this might be useful for everybody:


Witnessing Accidental Death: Steps to Recovery


I wrote it a few days after something similar happened to me.


There's a website we use in development called The Headington Institute - they're absolutely brilliant. If you go to Resources Online and Online Training then select Trauma and critical incident care (you may want to start with Understanding and coping with traumatic stress to ease into it). Just work your way through it at your own pace. You can ignore the introduction, which is all about humanitarian work statistics, but by about page two it's all about what traumatic stress is and how to cope with it.


trauma is the reaction that occurs when the demands of very stressful events exceed our available coping resources and result in severe distress.


Traumatic stress isn't always instantly obvious. I spent a lot of time watching movies, DVDs and reading - so long as I had something to do I was fine. But when I didn't, I'd start to display trauma signs such as crying, panic attacks/hyper ventilation and forgetfulness.


Once the worst of it was over and I started to feel like I had a grip on things, I then experienced flash-backs. I was walking down the road with my friend, chatting away, when a car revved its engine loudly down the road and it just took me right back there. I felt like the air had been knocked out of me.


But you/we did do everything that it was possible to do. And as you said, you gave her family the chance to be with her. That's a huge thing to have done - and to keep your head whilst it was all going on, and to act first and react later - you really can't underestimate what you did there. You really are an exceptional person. Now it's important to take really good care of yourself. And do go and talk to somebody. I recommend the Counselling Directory. I only needed one session, but it did help. I could just talk about anything that came into my head without worrying that it would upset the person I was talking to.



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Been busy the past week so apologies for not replying sooner. Thanks so much for the advice and links. I don't feel traumatised by it by any means - my fiance has been a diamond, letting me talk to him about it and just being there for me. I understand that everyone deals with things differently, and the fact that I don't feel upset by events could in itself be a sign of trauma, but i don't think so.


Twilightdreamer you've also been great to me, letting me moan at you - you deserve a medal! But your ice cream tip definitely came in handy :(


I've always been quite good about dealing with death - face it, we're all going to go at some point! This was just the first time I'd ever seen a dead body that wasn't on TV and obviously was a bit of a shock. Thanks again to you all for the tips and advice you've given me :)

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No, it sounds like you are fine :( Like you say - different people have different ways. But I think it depends on the circumstance too.


For instance, you were a trained first-aider. Perhaps you never expected to have to use it, but you had a set of protocol to deal with it and you were prepared for the eventuality to some extent.


What I found so difficult about my reaction was that I really thought I was unshakable. I'd seen some pretty unpleasant things in the past. I lived in a post-conflict country and saw rooms of preserved dead people, kids with pretty yucky diseases, people with fairly awful disabilities and scars (such as a guy with all four limbs removed going about his daily business with flip-flops tied to his knees).


I really, honestly thought I had a fairly un-shakeable constitution on that front.


But like you, I'd spent months preparing for it. I knew what I was going into. I'd watched the films, read the books, spoken to people and I had a network of friends and colleagues in the same boat.


When the crash happened, I'd just driven my friend home from work and we were sitting in her front room in the early hours (she works in a bar). I was just about to leave when we heard him coming.


I think it was because I was home, in a 'safe' environment, a little village where nothing ever happens. There was absolutely no reason in the world to expect or prepare for what was about to happen. The mere fact we heard him was enough to make us sit up - you don't even get boy racers around there.


In addition, the things I'd seen before were old wounds. The people had been dead 15 years, they looked more like papier mache than actual people. There was a distinct sense of un-reality about them.


This was just so very immediate. It was right there in front of me in a place where I would never have expected to feel that 'high alert' feeling. One second he's alive, less than a minute from home, the next second he's dead. That quickly.


Even so, I'm surprised it's got to me as much as it has. I followed up by ringing the church bells for his funeral and watching the service from the back. The funny thing was, he was 19 but he'd already told his family that if he died, he wanted a poem read out. Oddly, it's the one TAK has on his signature: "'Do not stand at my grave and weep..." Strange he should think to say that in such a way his family would remember.

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Twilightdreamer you've also been great to me, letting me moan at you - you deserve a medal! But your ice cream tip definitely came in handy :D





*No touchy hugz* :o_weeping:



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