Jump to content
Haylee Linton

Welcome Guest!

Welcome to UK Pagan; The Valley

Like most online communities we require you to register for an account before we give you access to read and post.

Only a small number of our forum areas can be read without registering for an account.

Please consider supporting us to help keep our Website and Facebook groups online. Become a Patron!

Connect The Dots!


Guest Petalporridge
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I find myself here as different things in my life seem to be shooting off in different directions all of a sudden...and yet upon reflection maybe they are all pointing the same way, and that way is homeward or onward or upward or something! But I was looking for a pagan forum to see if it would connect the dots :) and inspired by the 'what I believe' thread I thought it would help me to attempt to summarise the thoughts and experiences in one place. Especially as they aren't always (or ever!) things easily discussed irl, and some not well expressed via the written word either but such is life.

 

Anyway my upbringing was in a socialist/feminist/liberal Christian household...it was a good mix really! Always discouraged from occult/tarot/anything outside socialist feminist Christian outlook really though in a liberal sort of way! But as a child I always felt outside everything. As I got older I read books and spent time at uni and decided I am clearly just destined to live one long existential crisis, where nothing has purpose and because nothing has purpose all connections to other people and things seem pretty lifeless and pointless too. But this was not a good explanation as a. Most people don't seem to live like that and b. Humans cannot be intended to live like that. We would have died out from mass suicide long ago.

 

So I became very interested in socialism. All very logical, with a good rational behind my feelings of isolation and alienation. The problem with being a die hard socialist is that a. The likelihood of change in this lifetime leads one to feelings of suicide as above! b. Socialists tend to be pretty dull, maybe they are suicidal? And c. It doesn't account for why, when you climb a hill and look around, your breath can be literally taken away. It doesn't account for why one can learn more from deep inner meditation than reading das kapital. Although I am still a die-hard socialist, it is not enough by a long shot.

 

And I had children, and a whole new range of emotions and need to be part of nature and the world and to give love back to that which created it all opened up. I learnt about anthroposophy, the works of rudolph Steiner. V interesting. Discovering homeopathy meant I had to learn about why it works, and the rationale seemed perfectly sound. So i thought if I can believe that, what else is there for me to believe? But looking for things to believe leaves one vulnerable so it has been slow, lol. Steiner is also awfully big on nature tables, gnomes, seasons, crystals, and all sorts of wonderful stuff like that. It is also the ramblings of one slightly odd bloke, which didn't sit so comfortably.

 

So I came to feel there is Definitely 'energy'. The life force of the universe and all life or whatever you like. This seems very logical to me. I randomly bought a book on chakras...logic in craziness! I did reiki 1 and allowed myself to realise I (like all people) have a spiritual aspect besides a physical and emotional reality. How refreshing!

 

Always at the basis of this for me is nature. and the idea of living in the moment, enjoying making things and sharing love (tho around this time I ended an unloving relationship and have felt very isolated again)

 

Also over the last few years I learnt that from my mothers side we have gypsy blood, and my great grandmother read cards/tea leaves etc. Also my mother admitted to having foresight, and using tarot for herself! Quite at odds with out upbringing! I think she wanted us to learn things for ourselves. Last week a woman I know from the reiki course suggested I take a tarot course as her business is in need of 'good readers'...she has no real reason to think I would be a good reader! But I feel very exited and like I might be finding my way, at last!

 

But theres no logic to all these things. Or is there? Maybe learning about paganism might help me resolve all these things? The love of nature, sense of gaia or something, awareness of energy which flows through everything, new faith in my own intuition...What do you think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please consider supporting us to help keep our Website and Facebook groups online.

Ah "there's no logic to all these things." That's a battle I have on a daily basis, and I came up with "screw logic, the evidence is what I see or feel".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Nettle
      I have only ever been a Christian on paper lol. When visiting hospitals I would give the CofE answer when asked about my beliefs. I didn‚Äôt really even know what it meant. As a child I often prayed to God. But could probably count on two hands the amount of times I have attended church. Obviously at school I sang hymns¬†and recited the Lord‚Äôs Prayer. But I never went deep into it. My family is not religious. I have never been deeply influenced by Christianity. I have always been spiritual though. The weirdest thing is when I started on this journey it actually allowed me to gain deeper understanding of the Christ spirit. For many years I sought a shamanic technique¬†called the ‚Äúfierce eye‚Ä̬†technique. This technique as I believed at the time would allow me to command any spirit. I could banish them or destroy them at a glance. My long search for this technique allowed me to find and connect with many interesting things but never allowed me to unravel¬†the mysteries of the fierce eye technique. One day I had vision. In the vision - between the two doors - I saw a man standing at the corner of a street near to where I live. It was daytime but there was nothing else around. Nothing moved. It was as if every living thing was¬†asleep. I approached the man who as I was drawing closer turned to regard my approach. What I saw blew my mind away. The love I felt emanating from this strangers eyes was so powerful, so all consuming, utterly accepting¬†that I fell to my knees and started weeping with happiness. The love was so unconditional, so total and all encompassing. It took my breath away. I eventually awakened from this vision thinking what the hell was that all about? I did not realise until later that I had been shown the ‚Äúfierce eye‚ÄĚ technique. I had been mistaken in my assumptions as to what the ‚Äúfierce eye‚Ä̬†technique was all about. It was not about destroying something,¬†Commanding something¬†or even banishing something. It‚Äôs power lies in acceptance. I later realised that the being I had seen in my vision was the Christ spirit. The Christ spirit is also a Great Fool.¬† Who would have believed it,¬†that I would find¬†Christ following a pagan path lol. The irony was fitting. And made me realise just how limited I had allowed myself to be. The few times I have gone to church recently since this experience¬†(my son used to attend a CofE school) I feel very happy. Overjoyed even. A little mischievous.¬†I know I am welcome there even though I do not take up the mantle of Christian. I feel at home, accepted, even though I am a pagan. I feel very¬†welcome within the church.
    • Nettle
      I have several. Stone rabbit is one of my guides. He is a stone around the size of a medium sized hand, that is in the shape of a rabbits head (in profile) that I found many years ago and kept. On one side he has a mark that looks like an open eye, on the other side it looks as if he has lost that eye. Stone rabbit is master at navigating mazes/webways. When I want him to see something within the mundane I turn his head so his eye can observe. If I am going on a journey I have his lost eye side observing. He comes on my walks with me and I carry him in a bag around my neck.
    • Roundtuit
      Thank you.  Yes, I'm starting to think it's the journey that matters.   What a gorgeous image!  I'd love to get back to the fells, there's something new around very corner there.    
    • Stonehugger
      I've had varying degrees and natures of commitment to Christianity since I was at school but I've also always had pagan leanings and for quite a long time now my path has been entirely pagan. It's unproblematic in that my family and friends think it's harmless eccentricity, but I imagine it would be different if I took a strongly pagan stance on something. For me personally it's important to listen to what's going on around me and work out my path accordingly, so I celebrate the presence of many paths up the same mountain and have no concerns about reaching the top. I imagine that, like almost any walk in the fells, what currently looks like the top is just another place to see the next top from. Definitely!! ūüėĀ
    • Ellinas
      Well, I've been called many things in my time... I'm also a former Christian, with a chequered history (Anglican, in the guise of the Church in Wales, then Plymouth Brethren with the odd foray into the Baptists along the way).  I fell out with Christianity in the early 2000's, when I was late 30's, early 40's. Since then, the general nature of my meanderings has remained fairly constant, but the details and contents have changed over time.  That's fine.  The journey is the issue, not the destination.  Ithaca calls, but Phoenician markets and Egyptian cities have the greater import (poetic reference - just means follow your path and hope to arrive late, if at all).  What I believe tomorrow may be very different to what I believe today.  What I believed yesterday is just a stepping stone. In short, don't worry about what you have been, as it is merely the pathway that got you to what you are, and don't worry about where you are going, there are any number of bye-ways for you to explore. As to others - I have struggled with family pressures and the tyranny of monotheistic faith.  I understand your position and have no issue with a softly-softly approach such as you describe.  In fact, it is the best way unless you are prepared to create and weather a family rift. Dangerous statement.  Talk about tempting fate...!
×
×
  • Create New...